Friday, April 10, 2015

The Sibling Rivalry Solution


The Sibling Rivalry Solution

Wherever two or more of them are gathered....there is love...and there is also sibling rivalry. Arguments, squabbles, emotional standoffs. They happen among siblings. They are to be expected. 

Or are they? Good question.  

My siblings and me.

I know my siblings and I had our fair share of "disagreements".  But we always came back together in the end. We learned to compromise, to consider other perspectives (it wasn't always easy), to resolve conflict.  We learned to get along better. 

The Next Gen of Sibling Rivalry 

And then we grew up...moved out, got married and had kids of our own. Along with the birth of our children came the next generation of sibling rivalry. 


My crew...the siblings three.
Next Gen Sibling Rivalry.


It's Tough

Sharing parental time, attention and resources isn't easy.  But, because we don't live in a vacuum and need to learn to learn how to get along with others, there's no better place to do that than on our own home turf.  Life lessons are learned that will traverse the lifespan!

What's the Sibling Rivalry Solution?




Solving sibling rivalry is simple and hard at the same time.  It's not an oxymoron, really, and all of us can help the siblings under our roofs get along better. Here's how:

1.  Remove your own emotions/don't personalize.  When your kids are squabbling, you don't need to own the problem.  Let your kids start figuring things out together.  Provide guidance and input, as necessary, but there is no need to rescue.  Ask questions like "What's happening here?" and "What do you think might be a good solution to this problem?" and "What do you think this could look like when it's all worked out?" and "How will you feel when this is no longer a problem?"  If you have trouble with your own responses to the sibling rivalry in your domain, aren't sure where to even start to help your kids calm things down, and need new words and insights, be sure to check out BLOOM: 50 Things to Say, Think and Do with Anxious, Angry and Over-the-Top Kids, the book I recently co-authored with Dr. Lynne Kenney.

2.  Teach solid social skills.  There's no way around this. We need to teach life skills so kids can have a good life. We teach our children how to walk across a street safely, how to use eating utensils, how to say please and thank you.  We need to teach social skills intentionally. This is too important to just leave to chance.  One of the big tasks of parents. You don't have to go it alone.  You can get assistance in the form of parent coaching or counseling if needed, or check out our entire selection of resources that help with social skills.  Our sales items will always be found here.

3. Recognize it for what it's worth.  When you see sibling rivalry as a naturally occurring phenomenon, it becomes less wearing for you as a parent.  You'll start to look at it as an opportunity to teach more skills, rather than as a dreadful, horrible situation.  I know firsthand that sibling rivalry is not enjoyable, but when we keep it in perspective, it has less of a hold on us. That allows us to manage it (and teach our kids to do the same) much better!

ONE WAY TO TEACH MORE KINDNESS
IN YOUR HOME


Find it HERE

Everyone can teach the social skill of kindness with this resource.
It's everything you need to teach and encourage caring behaviors
on a daily basis in your home or classroom or in family therapy.

This resource has helped thousands of kids around the globe!
It can help your kids, too!



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