"Spin-Doctor Parenting"

Grief Solutions for Kids

2012-01-28T14:01:00.017-05:00

Helping Grieving Children

It's hard to put the words "children" and "grief" into the same sentence, as we like to think of the childhood years as carefree and wondrous. Yet, countless numbers of children will become bereaved each year and they'll look to the adults in their lives to help them through.

No matter how prepared parents and caregivers are to raise health, happy kids, they are not often equipped to help them deal with grief. It's something we don't like to think about, nor is it something we see ourselves as having to do. When the unthinkable happens, however, it is good to have some concrete advice about how to best help kids.

Tips to Help:

Death/Dying/Dead

1. Use the words death, dying, dead. This may seem harsh, but it is very necessary to help kids delineate that death is a very different state than any other.

Avoid Euphemisms

2. Avoid euphemisms: She's sleeping (may induce sleep difficulties and fears), he went on a long trip (when is he coming back?), we "lost" grandpa (when will we find him again?), grandma's gone away for awhile, etc.

Terminal Illnesses

3. Explain to children that doctor's almost always can help us feel better (sore throats, headaches, stomachaces, illnesses), but sometimes a body is so, so, so sick, that the doctor's cannot help. In those cases, the doctors have good medicine to help our loved one be comfortable and out of pain, but they cannot keep our loved person alive.

Prepare Them

4. If a child is to attend a wake or funeral for the first time, prepare them for what they will see, hear, experience. Explain what a casket is, that the deceased will no longer be able to talk, breathe, eat or feel pain. That there may be many emotions and tears. It is okay when people cry because they are sad. They miss the loved one. Crying gets the sad out.

Sudden Death/Terminal Illness/Suicide

The death of loved one may be expected (due to a terminal illness) or unexpected (due to a sudden death, accident or suicide). Helping to explain death to children, as well as deal with the circumstances surrounding the death can be very challenging for parents.

Listen to Learn More

I was recently interviewed by Marianne Russo on The Coffee Klatch and we discussed all of the above (as well as helping kids deal with divorce and relocation).

You can hear this podcast online or download it to listen to on your iPod or MP3 player. It's free.

Our Signature Product to Help Grieving Children

Kidlutions has helped thousands of greiving children through the years. With experience as a hospice social worker, as a school-based therapist and a private practice clinician, I have helped kids heal from losses due to terminal illness, suicide, sudden accidents, unexpected deaths and murder.

Our signature workbook, "How Long Does the Sad Last" is based upon 25 years of work in the field and inlcudes:

~ 50 pages of open-ended activities and space where kids can doodle, draw and express their grief.

~ A Caregiver's Guide to assist parents and caregivers in helping their children in significant and meaningful ways.

~ Directions to make your own Kidlutions Care Kit, with explanations about how to use common household items to help kids heal.

The workbook is availble for instant download. No waiting for shipping time. Help can be in the hands of a parent or caregiver whenever they need it.

Thank you, for making a difference in the life of a grieving child.

The Keeping All Students Safe Act (S.2020)

2012-01-25T23:25:00.007-05:00

As a mental health therapist who provides services in two school districts and consults to numerous early childhood programs, and as a prior special education school social worker, I am compelled to share with you a new piece of legislation that needs your support.

According to the Bazelon Center for Mental Health Law, "Senator Tom Harkin (D-IA) has introduced the Keeping All Students Safe Act (S. 2020) in response to an alarming report by the Government Accountability Office (GAO) that found hundreds of cases of alleged abuse and even deaths of children -- most of them with disabilities -- as a result of restraint and seclusion in schools. No federal laws regulate the use of restraint and seclusion in schools, and state laws vary widely."

The Keeping All Students Safe Act (S. 2020)

The Keeping All Students Safe Act (S. 2020) would reduce (but not eradicate) the use of restraints and seclusionary practices within school settings. Restraint and seclusion practices are often unregulated. They may also be applied when more effective prevention and behavioral interventions would be appropriate. Unfortunately, students with disabilities most often are impacted by the use of restraint and seclusion. We must protect ALL students, but particularly our most vulnerable.

Physical Injury, Psychological Trauma and Death

Over 200 Deaths in Five Years

According to a press release regarding this (S. 2020) legislation:

(R)estraints and seclusion have resulted in physical injury and psychological trauma to thousands of students in public and private schools throughout the country, many of them students with disabilities. Estimates from the GAO are that over 200 students have died due to seclusion and restraints being used in schools over the past five years.This bill would prohibit the use of seclusion in locked and unattended rooms or enclosures, prohibit the use of mechanical and chemical restraints and physical restraints that restrict breathing, and prohibit aversive behavioral interventions that compromise health and safety. The bill would also:

•Prohibit the use of physical restraints except for emergency situations,
•Prohibit the use of physical restraints that inhibit a student’s primary means of communication
•Prohibit the use of seclusions and/or restraints in a student’s Individual Education Plan or any other behavioral plan
•Call for states to promote preventative programming to reduce the use of restraints

•Call for states to collect data on the occurrence of seclusions and restraints

•Call for schools to conduct a debriefing with parents and staff after a restraint is used and plan for positive behavioral interventions that will prevent the use of restraints with the student in the future.
•Establish a state grant program to enhance the State’s ability to promote, within its LEAs, preventative programming and training for school personnel

A Simple Phone Call Can Change Everything

You can help by making a quick phone call. You can find your two U.S. senators' phone number here , or call the Capitol Switchboard at (202) 224-3121.

Help Spread the Word

You can help spread the word about this legislation, by blogging about it (feel free to use our graphic), tweeting it, sharing on facebook and pinterest, and anywhere else you like to hang out.

Let's make this world a better (and safer) place for ALL students!

Keeping Kids Safe/FREE Download {Fire, Gun Safety, Strangers, Internet}

2012-01-24T19:09:00.000-05:00

Click to Download from Source @ Michigan.gov

Fires, bullying, internet dangers, pedestrian safety and personal body safety and the like are not generally on our list of fun topics to think about, let alone discuss with our kids. Yet, arming our children with safety knowledge and skills can be the difference between happiness and trauma, and even life or death.

I urge you to make sure that you start discussing these things with your children and educating them about how to keep themselves safe. One of the saddest things I must deal with as a therapist are situations in which prevention could have made all the difference.

The coloring book pictured above, is available for FREE download from michigan.gov. It appears to be made for older elementary students, so I urge parents to look it over. By printing the coloring book out yourself, you can pick and choose which pages are most appropriate for your child's developmental level.

Whether the book above fits your child's current developmental level, it is imperative for parents to educate even the youngest of children about strangers, gun safety, personal body safety and more.

Here a few resources that may help:

'Tweens, Teens and Self-esteem

2012-01-23T21:29:00.000-05:00

One Mom Wants to Know

I recently received a letter from a parent regarding self-esteem and her tween daughter. Her daughter is a good athlete, a great student, and yet, she still has a low self-concept. Not only that, this low self-image was starting to erode her confidence in both her academics and her sports, and was starting to affect her performance in both. This mom had done everything right: encouraged her daughter, cheered her on, helped her explore her passions, shared positive feedback with her, and still, the daughter just couldn't seem to move past having a low self-image. The mom was looking for guidance and wanted reassurance that she hadn't done anything "wrong" to contribute to this.

Being that so many tween and teen girls experience this issue, I decided to blog about it rather than just answer this mom individually.

The tween years can be tumultuous and fraught with uncertainties for tweens. Peers begin to take on a whole new level of importance, and tweens can be merciless when they compare themselves to others. Tweens are also painfully aware of the media's narrow portrayal of female beauty: thin, blemish free, asymmetrical features, perfectly proportioned, and so forth!

It's Just Impossible

Those images are not only near-impossible to live up to...they are impossible to live up to. Even the models themselves don't look as good as the media portrays them. After they've been painted, sprayed, photographed, photo-shopped and edited, they look nothing like their "real" selves. The media is only one piece of the puzzle, but it is a piece that has far-reaching influence. Girls can begin to internalize these images and begin to use them as a yardstick from which they measure their own worth.

If you are looking to join the good fight on stopping how the media shortchanges our girls, I respect and highly recommend that you read more by Dr. Robyn Silverman, Dr. Jennifer Shrewmaker and Melissa Wardy at Pigtail Pals. These women are a strong force in changing things for our girls.

When Good Enough isn't Good Enough

Not one of us is perfect. Not one. But each and every one of us is good enough. When a tween or teen is struggling with self-image, they can become their own worst enemy. The self-deprecating remarks you may hear, "I'm fat!", "This haircut makes my nose look huge!", "I'm so dumb. I'll never get this math!", are only the tip of the iceberg. 'Tweens and teens can have an ongoing dialogue of negativity that plays like an endless-loop-tape in their heads.

What's a Parent to Do?

The first line of defense is to drop the guilt and recognize that it is very unlikely that there is anything that you have done to contribute to this problem (provided you have not been verbally or emotionally abusive or demeaning to your child). Next, recognize that a lot of this problem stems from societal expectations (which are way greater and more intense than they were when you and I were 'tweens or teens). Finally, know that the ongoing barrage of negative thoughts originate in your child's head, stemming from irrational thoughts that she is likely not even aware of....YET.

The Approach

Continue to provide support, encouragement and positive feedback. Be aware, though, that research has shown that telling our kids things like, "You're great! See how smart you are! You're the best!" might not be as powerful as saying things like, "You tried so hard. You must be proud of how you hung in there and didn't give up. You are dedicated! You worked hard and you did it! Look at how strong you are! Your attitude is top-notch!" Try to incorporate this way of communicating with your child and see what a difference it makes over time.

Book 'Em

Provide your daughter with books about positive female role-models, who overcame adversity or accomplished great things by trying.

Offer your daughter books that focus specifically on self-esteem and self-development and that were written specifically with her age-group in mind. Click on any of the images below to learn more about the book. (Apologies for the formatting...I'm no "html" expert...but I'm going with the flow and have decided that it's "good enough" the way it is!)

As always, happy parenting!

Helping Children Cope with the Death of a Pet

2012-01-21T14:12:00.004-05:00

Real Grief, Not a Dress Rehearsal

Pets are a huge part of our families and we develop strong bonds with them. It is no surprise that we grieve their loss very deeply. Whether it is a goldfish, hamster, an iguana, guinea pig, cat, dog or horse, the death of the animal causes real grief (for kids and for adults). It is not a "dress rehearsal" for the real thing.

Grieving Children Have Unique Needs

When it comes to children, there are some unique needs to consider when explaining and helping them cope with it. Depending upon the age of the child, the child may have very different reactions.
Parents may feel a double sadness after the death of a pet, as they will grieve the loss of the pet, as well as have to support their child through the loss. It is not an easy task, but there are some things that parents can do to help their child cope.

8 Meaningful Way to Support Your Child

1. Always tell the truth.

When given the truth an age-appropriate manner, children can cope. The truth is always preferable to saying something like, “Fluffy ran away.” Your child will eventually learn the truth and making up "little white lies" can erode your child's trust in you. While it might seem like a kind-hearted thing to do, trying to the soften the blow of the death does not help your child. He cannot forever be shielded from the reality of death, and helping him learn to cope with loss is far more important than trying to shield him from the feelings of grief. It provides a much healthier approach.

2. Avoid euphemisms.

When discussing the death of the animal, do not say, “Sam is sleeping, he is peaceful.” This may induce a fear of bedtime in young children. Avoid saying, “We lost Princess.” This implies you may find her again.

3. Be patient.

Young children who may need to continue to talk about the pet’s death in order to understand it. They may also play the death out with stuffed animals or toys. Do not suggest your child “find something else to do”, or play something "nice". It's important not to view this kind of play of "macabre". This is how children make sense of the loss, especially in the early days. Use their play content as a springboard for more discussion. Be sure to use “feeling” words. “Your stuffed animal died, just like Sparky. It is SAD when our animals die. I know you miss Sparky very much. I do, too.”

4. Support your child in memorializing the pet.

Whether or not you have your beloved pet’s body for burial or not, you can find a way to engage your child in a ritual to memorialize the animal. You can find a special area in your yard to perhaps plant a small bush or some flowers and make a marker with you pet’s name. Another option would be to have a small resin or plaster garden creature that symbolizes your beloved pet. If you live in an apartment, a small potted plant or just a framed picture of the animal could be used. Allow each family member to say something special about the pet, something they will miss, and something funny or silly that they remember about the pet.

5. Create a memory box.

Use an old shoebox or other suitable container and have your child decorate the “Memory Box”. Have your child and family members select things that remind them of the pet. Perhaps its collar, a toy that belonged to the pet, pictures of happy times with the pet. Family members can even write little notes or snippets of memories about the pet. When your child or other family members are feeling particularly sad, they can sift through the “Memory Box”.

6. Share your own grief.

Let your child see your grieve. It is helpful for a child to know that you, too, loved and miss the pet. Express to your child that you feel great sadness, but that you also hold many dear memories of the pet. Talk with your child often about the pet.

7. Hug your child.

Always hug your children, but even more so when they have experienced a loss. Children need more TLC when they are grieving. If your child doesn’t want to talk about the pet, encourage him to either write or draw about it.

8. Click here to see our printable on helping kids deal with the death of a pet.

Click to Download.
To get our whole set of printables to help kids deal with the
challenges that life throws their way, go here.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kidlutions has helped thousands of grieving children, with resources that are beyond compare. Our grief approach with children is so compelling, it is featured in a Chicken Soup for the Soul book. If your child is grieving, see here for more help.

Our best-selling resource for grieving kids is:

Click to Learn More.

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Guest Appearance: The Coffee Klatch

2012-01-19T19:38:00.000-05:00

Click to find out more.

I'm so excited to have been invited by Marianne Russo, to be her guest on The Coffee Klatch. I'll be joining Marianne:

Sunday, January 22, 2012 at 9 pm, EST.

We'll be talking about some of the difficult transitions that impact kids:

divorce

grief and loss

relocation

We'll cover some of the behavioral fallout that may occur surrounding these life-changing events, and talk about some effective ways that parents and caregivers can respond in a way that is helpful and meaningful. We'll focus on special needs kids, but the ideas we discuss will be helpful for ALL parents.

Click to find out more.

You'll have the chance to call in with questions, if you'd like! You can find out more of the details here.

The Coffee Klatch has been a tremendous resource for parents of special needs children. They have something for everyone! I am honored to have been invited. Marianne has hosted some of the most respected and revered experts in their fields.

7 Skillful Ways to Help Kids Manage Intense Feelings

2012-01-19T15:39:00.001-05:00

Feelings: they make life worthwhile. They make life interesting. They make life, er, complicated at times. No matter if we view feelings as a friend or as a foe, we will all have to deal with them. Yes, we all have feelings...but for some of us, the way we handle them can get us into some pretty tough spots.

It can be the same way for kids. Particularly for kids who experience their emotions in an intense way. The beauty of it all, as I see it, is that we can help our kids manage over-the-top feelings. When we do this, we give them a gift that lasts a lifetime.

Feelings Just Are

An important thing to bear in mind when it comes to feelings is that no one feeling is either good or bad. Feelings just are. They are what they are. The degree to which we feel our feelings differs: some of us feel our feelings in a BIG way, and our feelings are amplified to great proportions. For others of us, our feelings are there just the same, but they seem barely perceptible to bystanders. We can thank our temperament, in part, for this!

Do You Parent a Kid with Over-the-Top Feelings

If you parent a child with over-the-top feelings, nobody has to tell you just how out of control things can seem to get sometimes. You may be one of those parents who puts in the equivalent of an 8 hour day (dealing with the hijacked emotions of your child), before you even leave for the office (I know some of you are nodding "yes" to this). It can be challenging, for sure, but helping even the most intense of kids can be accomplished. It will take time. It will take patience, but it can be done. And it will make a world of difference to the child.

Responding Effectively to Intense Feelings in Kids

Here are a few tips that can help you help your child:

1. Maintain Your Own Composure

When a child is falling apart at the seams, it can be difficult to maintain your own composure, but in order to help your child, this is exactly what you must do. Breathe. Imagine yourself staying calm. Imagine yourself at peace. Imagine that your child is reaching out her hand to you for help. Imagine yourself in her corner. BE THERE FOR HER. Punishing her for strong feelings that she is ill-equipped to manage accomplishes nothing.

2. Handing it Over

When your child is melting down, maybe screaming at you and telling you how terrible you are, how you're a dummy-head, doody-downer, poopie pants or any other creative term she can come up with, it is your job to look beyond the words and recognize that your child is in distress and is handing the problem over to you for help. It won't look that way to you, perhaps, but it is what is happening.

3. Shift Your Perspective

When you recognize that your child isn't going out of her way to make your life miserable, and that she wants to successfully manage her BIG feelings, but just doesn't yet have the skill or emotional maturity to do so, you'll have a much better chance of managing your own emotional fallout. Don't personalize. Your child cannot push your buttons if you don't let her. (Nor can anyone else, for that matter!)

4. Be Large and In Charge (of yourself, that is)

Focus on the fact that the only control you have is control of yourself. You cannot control your child or her behaviors. You can only control how you respond AND what you choose to teach her about becoming more capable in handling her own upset feelings. What do you want her to learn? Being "large and in charge" of your emotions is one big step towards modeling self-control, and showing her what she will one day look like when she accomplishes this task. If you need a visual to help yourself keep control, check this out.

6. Provide Healthier Outlets

Offer your child healthier outlets for her BIG feelings, which won't hurt herself, property or anyone else. When you recognize that E-motion is "Energy in Motion", you can begin to appreciate the need for that upset, angry, worry, anxiety or other emotion to be expressed. If you need some help in figuring out some ways to do this check here.

7. Opportune Moments

Be sure to try to reach and teach your child during moments of peace and calm. Not much new learning takes place when the brain is in defensive mode. Our Feelings Fun workbook can help your help your child talk about, process and problem-solve about BIG feelings. Download it for FREE!

Fun with Feelings {FREE Printable Workbook}

2012-01-15T20:27:00.000-05:00

Click to Download

A few weeks ago, we told you we would be sharing a fun new workbook that would help kids think about, talk about and deal with feelings. Here it is! And it's FREE! {We won't even say you have to join us on facebook, twitter, or pinterest in order to download it. Of course, we would LOVE it if you did! But that's besides the point!}

Helping childrenlearn how to deal with feelings is a process, not an event.

Just as children need support and guidance inlearning how to zip zippers, button buttons and tie shoes, they will needongoing support in learning how to identify and manage feelings. Emotional literacyis every bit as important as learning how to read. Wise parents and caregivers weave instructionabout emotions and feelings into their children’s daily lives.

Feelings are Not Right or Wrong

Feelings are notright or wrong. They just are. If a child states a certain thing makes herhappy or sad, don’t argue with her ortry to talk her out of it. Simply replywith, “I see,” or, “Thanks for sharing!”

To help you help your child develop a "feelings" vocabulary, we've put together this 14 page book that offers plenty of space for kids to doodle, draw and write about feelings. Download a copy for your "littles"!

Have fun!

Peaceful Parenting {FREE Printable}

2012-01-12T20:59:00.000-05:00

Click for Printable

Make room for more peace in your family this year! Become a more peaceful parent. Being a peaceful parent has nothing to do with being permissive. (We'll write more about that in the coming weeks.) I drafted these printables awhile ago, and was just waiting for the right moment to share them.

Well, now seems like a pretty good time. In the past week I was asked to guest post for two pals of mine, Lori Lite at Stress Free Kids and Shara Lawrence-Weiss at Early Childhood News and Resources (and Mommy Perks)! Both posed questions about some very challenging behaviors. Check out "Biting, Hitting and Scratching, 'Oh, My!'" and the "Behavior Makeover" in "Tired of Your Child's Defiance? Tips to Help".

I'll bet you'll see that once you start practicing the principles on this printable (and those mentioned in the articles), they'll start leaking into every area of your life. You just won't be able to help yourself. And when that happens, take notice of how much better you (and the people around you) feel! Just click on any image (pick your color) to download!

Just in case bright purples and blues aren't your thing, I've played around a bit and morphed the original print into some other colors.

Here's aqua:

and lavender:

and red:

and chocolate:

and sage:

and, finally, black and white:

Click for Printable

Whether you tack this up on your fridge, keep a small version of it on your dashboard or bathroom mirror, or frame it and hang where you spend the most time with your children...I hope you will follow the simple steps that will lead you down the path to peaceful parenting.

Stay tuned, because our up-and-coming printable will be the much awaited "Fun with Feelings: Emotions Matter" workbook for kids!

As always, at Kidlutions, we wish you happy parenting!

More than Just Shy: Helping the Child with Selective Mutism

2012-01-05T23:50:00.000-05:00

Recently, somebody posted a question about helping a child with Selective Mutism (SM) on my facebook wall. This is an excellent question, and one which deserves much more than a two sentence answer on facebook. Through the years as a consultant to early childhood programming, I have observed a number of kids with SM.

On many occasions, parents and teachers will say, "She is just being stubborn. She talks up a storm at home," or, "It's just a phase. It will pass," or, "Her older brother was just like this," or even worse, "She's just being lazy {or defiant, or willful, or worse}!"

SM is actually an anxiety disorder, which manifests in early childhood, and is often undiagnosed or misdiagnosed. Here is what the DSM-IV-TR has to (2000) says about it:

• Consistentfailure to speak in specific social situations (in which there is an expectation forspeaking, e.g., at school) despite speaking in other situations).

• Thedisturbance interferes with educational or occupational achievement or with social communication.

• Theduration of the disturbance is at least 1 month (not limited to the first month ofschool).

• Thefailure to speak is not due to a lack of knowledge of, or comfort with, the spoken languagerequired in the social situation.

• Thedisturbance is not better accounted for by a Communication Disorder (e.g., Stuttering)and does not occur exlusively during the course of a Pervasive Developmental Disorder, Schizophrenia, or otherPsychotic Disorder.

Selective Mutism from a Child's Eyes:

Here is a PDF printable from selectivemutism.org about SM from a Child's Eyes. I highly recommend this for parents, caregivers, teachers and administrators.

How to relate to a child with Selective Mutism {and more}...

It isn't always easy to be a child with SM. This is an example of a letter that could be written by any parent to help inform providers, teachers and loved ones about their child's SM, so that they do not inadvertently cause more distress for the child. You can download it here:

Top Ten Myths Aboout Children with SM

Important information for everyone about SM. The Top Ten Myths About Selective Mutism.

For numerous resources, more information and printables, go to selecitvemutism.org.

When we know better, we do better! Let's help all children succeed!

Crazy 8: Our Top 8 Ways to Help Kids Deal with Feelings

2012-01-01T14:23:00.001-05:00

Here are our top posts from the past year on helping kids deal with feelings:

Little Kids, Big Anger:

Fun with Feelings: Playdough Faces:

When Children Scream and Yell:

Using Games to Teach Self-Control:

Feelings: Don't Erase Them, Embrace Them:

You Don't Really Feel That Way: Part I:

You Don't Really Feel That Way: Part II:

Weathering Emotional Storms with Your Child:

Happy New Year from Kidlutions! Make 2012 your best year in parenting, yet!

If you are new here, you might be interested in following us by email.

A Free Feelings Book for Young Children: Coming Soon!

2011-12-29T22:10:00.000-05:00

Coming Soon!

A New Year is dawning. Everything is shiny and bright and there is hope for what is yet to come. A new year signals the opportunity to change anything we wish. Helping kids deal with emotions has always been near and dear to my heart here at Kidlutions. With the New Year right around the corner, I thought I'd create an instant download for you to use far and wide (at home, in your classrooms, at church school, anywhere you'd like). I know that help in identifying and managing feelings is one of the best gifts you can give a kid!

Here's a sneak peek at one of the pages inside:

And another:

The book will include a page where kids can doodle and draw a picture of themselves, as well as cut and paste feelings they find in magazines. The book is simple and allows for open-ended creativity on the child's part. Let them express themselves!

I'm putting the finishing touches on it now, and it will be released just as soon as I have the last "t" crossed and the last "i" dotted. We'll give you a head's up here on the blog, when it's ready! It should be here right after the New Year!

Want to keep up with the latest additions to our printables, ideas and activities? Simply look on the right hand sidebar. Up on the top you'll see a box to enter your email. Easy peasey! You'll get our newest ideas delivered to your inbox as soon as they're hot off the press!

For a collection of over a dozen printables that help kids with everything from anger to divorce and grief and loss, join the Kidlution Revolution! Let's make the world a better place!

See you soon!

Should teens be allowed to drink alcohol under your "supervision"?

2011-12-28T22:02:00.000-05:00

Underage Drinking

The New Year celebrations will begin soon. Will you allow your teen to drink alcohol during a party, under your "supervision"? Maybe you have already allowed this to happen, but there is clear and convincing evidence as to why you might want to reconsider this practice.

Drunk Driving is Not the Only Concern

I wrote a piece about underage drinking for momtourage.com, which is very timely for the holiday season. Sometimes parents think that because their teen is under their "supervision", and nobody will be driving, that it's okay to let the "under-agers" imbibe. There are plenty of reasons to just say "no" to the idea of letting them have "just a few", or partake of libations "just for the holidays", however. Drunk driving, though devastating, is only one part of the equation.

But, It's Legal in Some States!

In some states, under-age drinking is okay if a minor is accompanied by a parent. This is a frightening prospect, and it clearly points to the fact that some of the lawmakers in these states are behind the times when it comes to understanding the devastating impact that early drinking behaviors can have.

Read More

For the complete article, go here.

What Do You Think? Weigh-in Below!

Feelings Charades

2011-12-27T10:19:00.000-05:00

Having fun with feelings is one great way to help your youngsters build their emotional literacy. Simply download these and encourage your child to act out the feelings. An alternative to that would be to have them say, "I might feel this way if...." and fill in the blank. Here, the work of making the charade cards is done for you by funstufftodo.com.

You can use them as is, or create some of your own from their template.

How do you help your kids learn about feelings?

For more ways to help kids identify and/or deal

with feelings, check these out:

Feelings: Don't Erase Them, Embrace Them

Helping Kids Handle BIG Emotions

Little Kids, Big Anger

You Don't Really Feel That Way Part I

You Don't Really Feel That Way Part II

Feelings Faces Playdough Mats

When Children Scream and Yell

If {Therapy} Walls Could Speak

2011-12-18T12:50:00.001-05:00

Picture Credit

Inside my therapy offices, both of which are currently located on the campuses of two different schools, I often wonder what the walls would say, could they speak. I know they would speak of troubles and trials, trauma, and ultimately, triumph. In those two offices, demons are slayed and fears are put to rest. Questions are posed and sometimes answered. Lives are transformed. Sometimes a little. Sometimes a lot. In some cases, I'll never get to see the transformation, only imagine it in my mind's eye.

Some kids come quietly and speak in barely audible tones, whilst others proclaim their woes with the blaring decibels of an 80's boom box. Quiet or loud, these kids always have a story. Stories that must be told and heard. These stories aren't always easy to tell. They aren't always easy to listen to. But they must be given voice...and they must fall upon the ears and heart of someone, willing to take it all in and reflect it back...and hopefully, be a starting point for transformation. A second chance at life that aims for thriving, not just surviving. For living, not just for existing.

Sometimes there are no words, just glances and head nods. Sometimes the words are written, as in the various sayings I have scattered around my office:

"Dwell in Possibilities."

"Be courageous."

"Be unstoppable."

Surrounding young people with positive, uplifting messages makes a difference. I believe it really does. How we think about things so much influences how we experience things and how we feel about them. There is no denying it. Researchers have studied it for ages and continue to do so.

I'm always taken by optimistic quotes (and have been as long as I can remember). It's no surprise that my therapy offices have such sayings all around. It's like getting a happy little present for me when I find a new quote, or a new arrangement of words to hang on my wall or put on my whiteboard.

Imagine how exciting it has been for me to stumble upon these beauties. First, I spied this print from Megan at Balancing Home. I am SO going to print this out, frame it and put up on my office wall:

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And when Kelsey from Tattered & Inked created this little pretty, she probably had NO idea how many lives she would touch. This is SO going on my office wall, as well!

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Finally, this cutie caught my eye from Kristin at Betty Crocker {wannabe}. You know what I'll be doing with it, right?

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If your walls could talk, what would they say? What do you have hanging on your walls that inspires you to do better, reach for more, believe in a better tomorrow? We'd love to hear it!

Are You Feeding Your Child Too Much? Not Enough?

2011-12-04T12:40:00.000-05:00

Do Parents Need a Nutrition Degree?

With all of the talk about childhood obesity, parents are often left wondering if they are feeding their children too much. Still, others wonder if their children are eating enough of the right nutrients to help their brains and bodies reach their optimal performance and growth. At times, parents may feel as if they need to be armed with a nutrion degree in order to raise healthy, happy kids. Thank goodness that is really not the case since we have a host of experts out there that can help!

WebMD has some great resources to tell you exactly how big portions should be for your young child. On their site, you can find information on activity levels and how to engage your kids in becoming more active, as well as handouts on how much sugar is contained in a soft drink (YIKES!), and your child can take daily online challenges to increase his health! You'll find all that and much, much more! In addition, they have a dedicated site to help teens with the same issues!

More Resources Around the Web

Nourish MD

For more great resources to help you deal with the proper care and feeding of your kids, I highly recommed NourishMD. These ladies also hail from Michigan (YAY!) and they are top notch! They are a great resource for feeding your family whole, healthy foods. Both Dr. Sue and Angelle are moms themselves, so they are more than up on the dilemmas that face the modern mom when it comes to feeding the kiddos! You can also follow them on facebook! They are real, down-to-earth, and accessible. So kind, too!

My Feelings Are Hungry

Ava Parnass is the author of My Feelings are Hungry, one of the most novel books on the food-mood connection for kids. This book has garnered one of our Kidlutions Preferred Product Awards for Social-Emotional Development. It is a huge step in the fight on childhood obesity. I highly recommend you have this book in your child's library, whether overweight is an issue or not. For kids who are struggling with maintaining a healthy weight, this book can be a game-changer!

Show Me How

One more of our Kidlutions Preferred Product Award Winners for Social-Emotional Development, Vivian Kirkfield, has healthy recipes that are matched with stories and social-emotional skill building. In her book, Show Me How: Build Your Child's Self-esteem Through Reading, Crafting and Cooking, you can find it all!

Spin-Doctor Tip: No matter the state of your family's current nutrition, you can start making small steps to change it for the better. The resources above can help. What do changes have you made to feed your family better and instill better food habits in your kids? We'd love to hear about it, as well as any resources you'd like to share!

Raisng Kids with Self-Confidence

2011-11-29T18:08:00.002-05:00

Want to raise kids with great self-confidence and self-esteem? Start with yourself!

I love everything this has to say! I originally found it through Genevieve, at The Way of the Peaceful Parent.

If we cannot do this ourselves, we'll have a hard time teaching our kids.

Have you mastered all of the above? Which one(s) do you need to work on first? We'd love to hear about it!

Parenting Begins with Me

2011-11-27T21:11:00.001-05:00

Today's guest post comes from Sana Johnson-Quijada, MD, who blogs at Friend To Yourself. Dr. Johnson-Quijada is a psychiatrist, and I met her (like so many other fab folks) through social media. Recently, I posted about dealing with toddler tantrums, and Dr. Q tweeted me, "What about the parents?" Ahhh, she is a smart, smart cookie. Of course, as Dr. Q well knows, everything begins and ends with Me. That prompted an invite from me to her to write a guest post to cover that. She happily obliged!

Here, Dr. Q's thought-provoking response:

We have all heard that the youth are our future, that kids need our full undivided attention and that the ultimate calling of God is to serve others. I tell you that this is true.

The perceived approach to achieving this, however, ...not so true.

See Mom frozen in her pew as Pastor Green describes the morality of behaviors.

See Dad at the school bake-sale; his stay-at-home experiment on the cookie table, his wishful face and in his edgy voice.

See Me in our slippers at work; we forgot to change into our shoes. (Using this terminology of “Me” encourages us to see ourselves as a vital being worth the work it takes to achieve health. Capitalizing and speaking of the “Me,” gives us a tool to view ourselves more objectively as well as remind us of our connection with each other. In so many words, Me is not so different and far from me.)

Dear Mom, Pastor Green, Dad and Me,

That seemingly limitless call to serve, our children’s seemingly limitless petitions and our seemingly unending future all start and end with Me. It is what brings beauty, desire and the force of connection any value. Me. We love because God loved Me first. We serve ...because it is a way of taking care of Me.

Dad wants to stay home to take care of his kids and confuses that process with one that erases him.

Mom wants to do what’s right but doesn’t know that many people, including Pastor Green, perceive right-and-wrong, good-and-bad and up-and-down by our wiring, by our temperaments and in so many words by what we perceive truth to be.

Pastor Green’s (introverted intuitive cognitive perception) may not know where other typed people are coming from. Further more, her brain disease (Major Depressive Disorder) can do no more than personalize what isn’t at all about her.

We can almost universally say that if you are reading this blog, you want to give your kids your “undivided” attention. You aren’t a beast. You want to “serve.” That’s obvious. You want to teach your kid(s) to be healthy and be kind and not set fire to bunnies. To do these things however, we must first grow insight that we do them for Me. Hopefully acting on that insight is next.

God knew that for Me, service is healthy.

The youth are our future... And?!

Kids need our full undivided attention. Then, after five or twenty minutes, when we or they are done, we attend to other things. At no time during this five or twenty minutes does Me stop being accountable for Me.

Everything starts and ends with Me. What happens in the trajectory between the start and ending is a lot, true. That’s where You fit in. Are we good here?

Questions: Does insight into your accountability to Me improve your parenting? Do you enjoy serving your children’s needs better when you know you are doing it because it is what is best for Me? Please tell us your story.

Sana Johnson-Quijada, M.D. writes on being a friend to yourself. She practices psychiatry and parents, with her husband, their three small children. Her blog, FriendtoYourself.com reflects years of study, along with life and patient experience.

What Pushes Your Parental Buttons?

2011-11-24T15:37:00.001-05:00

Parenting, the toughest job you'll ever love!

When caught up in the vortex of tantrums, whining, backtalk and more, you may find it hard to buy into that comment. We all have our own "hot-buttons"; those behaviors which can put us over the edge faster than we can say, "Ohmmmmm!"

So, which behaviors are the ones that make your hair stand on end? Weigh in below. You can check as many as apply.

Don't see the behavior that most gets under your skin? Tell us about it in the comments. We'd love to hear about it! I'll use your comments to guide some of our future posts! We're all in this together!

Turkey Time Crafts and Activities

2011-11-22T20:15:00.000-05:00

Thanksgiving comes but once a year. A time to focus on things for which we are thankful. A time for family, food, and fun. I often think of how much happier we all would be if found little ways to be thankful every day. It's a practice I engage in daily and encourage my kids to do so as well.

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Let the kids entertain themselves for hours (or at least a few minutes ;-) with a tried and true favorite:

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How about some thankful tags? What are your kids thankful for?

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Need to keep the kids occupied a bit longer? How about making pine cone turkeys for table decorations or place settings?

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This next one is a family all-skate! Yes...everyone in the family can make their mark with this turkey that incorporates handprints big and small.

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And finally, how about some adorable "turkey sandwiches" for the kids?

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Gobble, gobble, gobble! Happy Thanksgiving to you and yours! What cute, fun and engaging activities do you have planned for the "littles" in your life?

Toddler Temper Tamers: More Than a Dozen Resources

2011-11-16T21:35:00.001-05:00

Today, on my Anger Toolbox for Kids facebook page, a parent posted the following question:

I need advice and help with my two year old. We are doing positive parenting with him and are still learning it. He has been really aggressive lately, mainly hitting ( and only mommy and daddy) I'm not sure how to talk about his feelings because most of the time I don't understand what is causing so much frustration. Any tips or advice?

First off, I'm so glad that you are using positive parenting practices. The fact that you are paying attention to the feelings of frustration (or anger or sadness or confusion, etc.) behind the action (hitting), which your two-year-old is likely experiencing, bodes well for your child. It is the first step to helping him handle things better in the future.

The Feelings, The Fury, The Fright

At this age, kids can experience a wide-range of feelings, often with an intensity that can be frightening and overwhelming to them. Their feelings can literally be bigger than they are. The only problem is, they can have a hard time communicating the feelings to us. We generally see these behaviors start to subside with language acquisition, as the child's vocabulary starts to expand. There's no need to wait for your child's language to be fully developed in order to help him, though. Nor would I recommend playing the waiting game. The earlier we start to provide supportive guidance and affective (feeling) language for our child, the quicker they will catch on.

Aggression Can Be Normal in Early Childhood

It is important to bear in mind that toddlers and preschoolers are not little adults. We need to be careful not to ascribe adult motives and harsh judgments on our little folks. Thinking about, or even calling children with aggression issues "tiny terrors" or "baby bullies" is completely counterproductive and unfair to toddlers trying their best to cope with situations that cause them upset. Keeping things in a developmental perspective and approaching this problem from the stance of teaching, educating, guiding and supporting is imperative.

Award Winning Resources for Toddlers

Some time ago, I posted Help! My Child is Being Aggressive, in which I discussed helping to bridge the language gap with American Sign Language, or signing. I adore the Baby, Toddler, and Preschool Sign LanguageDVD by Louise Sattler of Signing Families, which is one of our Kidlutions Preferred Product Award winners for Social-Emotional Development.

More Kidlutions Preferred Product Award winning resources that can help with aggression in young children include:

"Listen to Me Please!" Time-In Not Time-Outby Ava Parnass and Dr. Ron Taffel. This book does an incredible job of helping young children learn about feelings.

Personal Child Stories by Shara Lawrence-Weiss. You can order a customized book specific to your child's issues, which will feature engaging prose along with pictures of your child and your family. This is a winning combination that has a powerful impact on behavior change.

Kimochis Plush toys with the feelings inside. Pure magic! You can find them here for starters and poke around for more options.

Show Me How! Build Your Child's Self-Esteem Through Reading, Crafting and Cooking (Positive Parental Participation)This book has a lovely section on dealing with anger and aggression, which I discussed more thoroughly in my post, No Naughty Chair Here...Helping Kids with Challenging Behavior.

If the behavior is a new development brought on by the addition of a new sibling, I would highly recommend What about Me?: Twelve Ways to Get Your Parents' Attention Without Hitting Your Sister.

More Resources:

More folks whom I adore, and whose resources will also be of help are:

Dr. Lynne Kenney, author of the Family Coach. Dr. Kenney's approach is practical, do-able and realistic. She blends a gentle, kind approach to parenting that is backed by strong neuroscience.

Deborah McNelis of Braininsights has everything you need to raise happy, well-adjusted children from birth to age 5.

Sue Atkins, The Parenting Expert, will make dealing with your toddler a walk in the park!

Lori Lite at Stress Free Kids can help your child learn relaxation and stress-reduction techniques.

Lisa Sunbury of Regarding Baby will help you respectfully handle difficult moments with your baby and toddler.

Janety Lansbury of Elevating Child Care will help you find loving, supportive ways to parent.

Did I forget any? What resources do you know of that can help toddlers deal with BIG feelings?

Sticks and Stones: A Little Girl’s First Experience with Bullying

2011-11-15T20:19:00.000-05:00

Signe Whitson, LSW, shares this post on young girls and bullying. Her new book, Friendship and Other Weapons: Group Activities to Help Young Girls Aged 5-11 to Cope With Bullying, was released today. If you are the parent of a young girl, you know how painful the following reality can be.

My daughter had her first heartbreak at the tender age of four. During the first week of her preschool class, she met a little girl named Nikki and, as so charmingly happens at that age,the two became best friends within an instant. The girls bonded over their love of Disney’s High School Musical and anything to do with singing and dancing. They quickly became a package deal inside and out of the classroom, arranging lunchdates afterschool and playdates when school was not in session.

For a few weeks, all I heard was, “Nikki says this” and “Nikki likes that” and “Nikki told me I should do such and such.” I must admit I was a bit swept up in Nikki-fever as well, enjoying how much pleasure my daughter was taking from the friendship. Until the day it all ended.

On a brisk October day, my daughter experienced the cold, harshness of relational aggression—better known as bullying. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, bullying occurs when a person or group repeatedly tries to harm someone who is weaker. Bully behavior takes many forms, from hitting, name calling, and teasing to social exclusion and rumor-spreading. These latter forms are termed relational aggression because of the way interpersonal relationships, most often among girls, are manipulated to settle grudges.

In my daughter’s case, relational aggression felt like a break-up…or more like getting dumped. The first incident I noticed, from my vantage point in the school hallway where parents wait to pick kids up from class, was Nikki shoving my daughter off of a chair. Heart in my throat and claws ready to scratch, I calmed as I watched their teacher walk over quickly. I could hear Nikki explain, “We were just playing,” which seemed to satisfy the teacher, especially at the end of the school day.

When I asked my daughter about what I saw, she seemed unhurt by the fall, but deeply pained by Nikki’s reported words from earlier in class that same day: “You’re not my best friend anymore.” Sting. The look in my daughter’s eyes hurt me more than I ever remember being hurt by any mean girl bully from my own youth. “What did your teacher say?” I asked. “She didn’t hear Nikki say it,” my daughter explained. For those keeping score, that’s Nikki 2, Teacher 0.

Relational aggression tends to occur under the radar of adult awareness. As a form of passive aggressive behavior, the kids who behave this way know how to mask their inner hostility with an outward smile. If questioned by an authority figure, they create plausible excuses for their behavior (e.g. “It was just a game,” or “I was just kidding. Can’t you take a joke?”) Relational aggression is carried out by kids who are cunning enough to behave in ways that are socially appropriate on the surface but searingly painful behind the scenes.

In older kids, social networking sites are a prime arena for relational aggression. 24/7access to MySpace, Twitter, texting, and instant messaging gives bullies constant access and widespread audiences for spreading rumors, causing humiliation and, when necessary,innocently denying that they ever meant any harm.

In younger children, excluding phrases like, “You’re not my best friend anymore,” and “Only girls with long hair can sit here” are spoken quietly, with an angry smile, right under a teacher’s watchful nose.

The night after “the Nikki incidents,” I heard my daughter crying in her room. When I went to ask her what was wrong, she asked me in return, “Mama, how can I change to make Nikki like me again?” This occurred years ago now, and I tell you I still get tears in my eyes recalling the night. For anyone who says the problems of kids are insignificant, I assure you that the pain caused by bullying at any age is soul-crushing.

The good news is that children are resilient and can move on. The valuable thing my daughter took from having her heart broken by a “friend” so early on is that now, she is really good about picking genuinely nice kids to hang around with and she’s the first one at a friend’s side when they are being picked on or feeling down. I heard her explain to a peer the other day,“Sticks and stones can break your bones, but words can really hurt too, so be careful about what you say.” I couldn’t have said it better myself.

Signe Whitson, LSW is the mother of two elementary school-aged daughters, and the author of, Friendship and Other Weapons: Group Activities to Help Young Girls Aged 5-11 to Cope With Bullying, newly released November 15th! Please visit http://www.signewhitson.com/ for information on her workshops and trainings for parents, professionals,and kids.

Is Your Child Performing Well Academically?

2011-11-12T19:55:00.000-05:00

Is Your Child Performing Well Academically?

How is school going for your child this year? Have you suspected that your child would benefit from a tutor, but there don’t happen to be any such services where you reside? The answer may be just a few clicks away with the heralding of online tutors. Adam Wes Academics highlights how your child’s needs may be served from afar.

Following is a guest post by Natasha Sattler (who also provided a guest post in the past, entitled: Who Needs Tutoring?) on behalf of Adam Wes Academics:

Online Options for Students Needing More Support

Now that the school year has begun, the topic of choice for most educational sites has been online classes. An environment that drastically changes the way education is approached has sparked a remarkable amount of interest and has led Adam Wes, CEO of Adam Wes Academics, to respond to the many questions that are circulating regarding this topic.

Creative Options to Different Learning Styles

Online classes are typically being held to the same standard of traditional classes; however the advances in technology allow for advances in creativity within this realm. This allows programs to cater to different learning styles. Adam Wes Academics has begun to work virtually when tutoring and as a company, have noticed that the benefits to online learning extend far beyond saving time and paper.

More Direct Instruction

In traditional classrooms, a teacher is limited and is teaching from afar; however in an online classroom, the material is closer than ever and the teacher is able to give more individualized attention to each student. The flexibility of online classrooms allows for students to explore in ways they never could before. They are watching videos in an instant, they are researching faster than ever and they are expanding their knowledge in a way that has not previously been discovered.

Is Online Learning as Good as In-Person Learning?

A main concern that parents have when considering the option of online learning is whether or not a student will have as much of a quality learning experience online as they would in person. The truth is, every student is different and therefore it makes it a tricky question to answer. But, options for online learning make it easier than ever to meet the needs of all types of learners.

What About Cheating?

Cheating on a test is just as easy in a traditional classroom as it is in an online setting and it all depends on the teacher and their level of moderation. A teacher can find creative ways to monitor their students online just like they would in a classroom.

If cheating is a concern, teachers can also come up with more creative ways to approach the concept of testing a student’s knowledge such as essays or projects. It is easier than ever to create and upload videos, Power Points, mp3 files, etc. so why not let students get more hands on experience and allow for them to gain the knowledge they need for the future in a way that they will more likely remember.

Online Tutoring Solves Logistical Issues

Tutoring online makes it easy for students to get the help they need with the flexibility to fit a busy student’s schedule. For students, especially in more rural locations, traveling or finding time to work in a tutoring session is sometimes near impossible but with online tutoring, it is easier than ever to stay on track and make sure that every student is getting the most out of learning.

Change can be difficult but once you realize the endless opportunities than an online educational environment can bring, it is almost guaranteed that you will be hooked for life. If you wish to try online tutoring, check out http://www.adamwes.com/ to get started.

Thanks, Natasha. You are so right. Online tutoring is a great option for folks that live in a rural area such as I do. There are no local tutoring agencies with qualified and screened tutors that parents can tap into for their children. I'm sure that parents living in metropolitan areas will appreciate saving on the commute. Thanks for your post!

Supporting Infants and Toddlers Through a Parent's Deployment

2011-11-10T16:59:00.002-05:00

Military Children Have Unique Needs

Supporting the children of our military personnel has always been near and dear to my heart, having been raised in a military family. Various resources exist in print and online for school-aged kids and teens, but there hasn't been a wealth of information available for the youngest that are left behind when a parent is deployed.

The Youngest Ones on the Homefront are Often Overlooked

As a clinician that provides support and guidance to programs for Infant and Maternal Mental Health, my mind always wandered to the smallest ones impacted by parental absence. This group of young children is often overlooked. They don't yet have the words to tell us how they feel, yet they feel nevertheless. We know that any child that is old enough to experience love is also old enough to experience loss. We also know that infants and young children are greatly impacted by their environment and by the emotional well-being (as well as stress) of those who care for them.

New Resources Specifically Geared for Young Children

Now, Zero to Three has developed some fabulous resources to help the youngest of the young that are left behind when a parent is deployed. Perhaps you are not in a military family, but chances are you know someone who is. I urge you to share this information with them.

Amongst the resources available are:

7 brochures that highlight a variety of ways to support young children These are excellent!

Young Children on the Homefront: DVD You can view this online.

Over There: When Daddy is Deployed: A workbook to help children A great resource if dad is deployed!

Over There: When Mommy is Deployed: A workbook to help children A great resource if mom is deployed!

Little Listeners: Coping Strategies During Deployment Great information!

Helping Your Child Deal with Relocation Wonderful! To help older children deal with relocation, check out our workbook, "My Moving Story: A Workbook for Children About Relocation"

Honoring Our Babies: Supporting Young Children Affected by a Military Parent's Deployment, Injury or Death Dealing with the some of the toughest issues that face military families.

It's difficult to think about how all of these issues impact young children, and it's easy to think that they don't take much notice of all the changes around them. The truth is, they do. The above resources can help.

When we know how to best support young children, we can lessen the impact that big changes have on them, and we can also support their growth and development.

More Great Resources that Support Young Children

If you are looking for more resources to support your young child's optimal cognitive and emotional growth, you must visit and become familiar with all of the wonderful work that Deborah McNelis at Braininsights is involved with. Braininsights has wonderful Activity Packets that help busy parents engage their tots in fun and educational ways!

Stress Free Kids offers an array of products that help reduce stress and anxiety. They have a special discount for military families.

And be sure to stop by Personal Child Stories to see the amazing, personalized resources you can have tailored to meet your family's needs. Personal Child Stories is a Kidlutions Preferred Product Award winning resource for social-emotional development.

You can catch a quick and ever-so-sweet glimpse of a book by Personal Child Stories written for a family dealing with deployment here:

When Children Scream and Yell

2011-10-27T16:30:00.001-04:00

Things can pretty noisy with kids around. Sometimes it feels downright unbearable to us when our child's emotions are like a runaway train. The yelling, the screaming. What's a parent to do?

Do You Scream Back?

Do you ever chime in with the screaming chorus? Sometimes it seems as if this is the only way to get our kids back on track. But is it, really?

Nobody has ever proven that kids listen better when we raise our voices. In fact, research has shown the opposite. When your child yells, screams or otherwise explodes, try getting quieter, not louder!

What Will the Neighbors Think?

Worried what the neighbors might think when they hear your child screaming at earth shattering decibels? What do you suppose they think when they hear BOTH your child AND you falling apart at the seams?

Children scream and yell because they do not have full control of their emotions. Staying calm is a skill that takes time to master..and modeling from adults who already know how to do it. Remaining calm when our child is anything but, isn't always easy, but it is always possible.

Technically Speaking

From a technical perspective, our prefrontal cortex (highest thinking part of our brain) mediates the limbic system (the seat of the emotions)...and helps us control otherwise "out-of-control" feelings. It takes a lot of physical development and a big learning curve to become fully in control of our emotions. This task is even bigger for kids who enjoy intense temperaments.

It's Not Personal

When we bear in mind that our child is not yelling, screaming or exploding to make our day miserable, we have a much better chance of responding more calmly. Recognizing that our kids need our help to learn the skill of managing BIG emotions puts us squarely back in our child's corner...right where we belong.

All is Not Lost

Maybe you're a parent who has resorted to screaming (and we all know how easy it is to do) in the past. Today is a new day. You can do it differently starting today. Sometimes we have to change our own behavior in order to help our kids change, too.

Are you a parent who sees a difference in your child's behavior when you stay calm? We'd love to hear about it!

(If your child enjoys a rather intense temperament and you are looking for ways to help him better deal with anger, be sure to check our Anger Toolbox for Kids downloadable MP3 and select handouts, as well as visit our Anger Toolbox for Kids on facebook!)

Spin Doctor Tip: When your child starts screaming, try to overcome your own emotional response. Rather than saying to yourself, "Here we go again! I can't take this!", try to say this instead, "He still needs my help in learning how to calm down. I'll keep teaching him until he gets it on his own!"

Happy Parenting!

Feelings go hand in hand with Halloween

2011-10-23T14:15:00.000-04:00

Halloween is a GREAT time to teach young children about feelings!

Here at Kidlutions, we believe that every day is a great day to help young children explore and understand feelings, but Halloween makes it just that much more magical. Thanks to all of the plentiful pumpkins, which lend themselves beautifully to becoming jack-o-lanterns, feelings faces abound this time of year. Not only can these "pumpkin faces" sport just about any feeling, they can also demonstrate the subtle nuances of a feeling!

Here is a collection of our past posts that highlight all of the "fun with feelings" you can have with your young'uns this Halloween season:

Pumpkin Feeling Faces - Go on a scavenger hunt for pumkin feeling faces and make some pumpkin faces at home that never spoil!

Pumpkin Feelings Faces II - Extending the fun with Pumpkin Feeling Faces

A Pumpkin's Contribution to Social Emotional Development - Includes a printable for making a pumpkin booklet with feelings faces!

How Do You Say "Boo" to Bad Habits? - This activity helps kids learn healthy habits in a fun way at Halloween time!

Have a fabulous Halloween!

If you're working on helping your child deal with feelings (and I hope you are), here are some more posts that you might like:

Helping Kids Deal with BIG emotions

Little Kids, Big Anger

Feelings: Don't Erase Them, Embrace Them!

You Don't Really Feel That Way: Part I

You Don't Really Feel That Way: Part II

Use Fun and Games to Teach Self-Control

When the behaviors of children annoy you

2011-10-22T23:43:00.000-04:00

Some times we just feel annoyed by the behavior of others. Before we point fingers, though, we might want to explore just what it is about the behavior of someone else that sets off an alarm system within us. I've always loved the quote that follows, which might shed some light on this very issue. As far as I can tell, there is much credence to it. We are often put off by the very behaviors in others that we may ourselves possess, but are unable to accept and master (anger, intensity, whining, irritability, and the like). When working with little people (and big people, as well) let us always remember this quote!

If there is anything that we wish to change in the child,

we should first examine it and see whether it is not

something that could better be changed in ourselves.

~C.G. Jung

If this quote speaks to you like it speaks to me, I've made a handy printable that you can hang on your fridge, your bathroom mirror, your dashboard, or anywhere else you might need reminding! You can download your printable here: Quote Printable.

Use Fun and Games to Teach Self-control

2011-10-19T23:38:00.001-04:00

Fun and Games Really Can Teach Self-control!

By the time your child gets to college, will it matter what his age was when he learned to read, tie his shoes or do long division? Probably not as much as you might think. Research shows that what will likely matter more is how well he learned to handle BIG feelings (such as anger), cope with distress, manage difficult situations and the like. The aforementioned tasks are all part of what is referred to as self-regulation. And self-regulation and other social-emotional skills have perhaps a bigger influence on our success in life than some of the typical yardsticks we use to measure future success (such as grades, standardized test scores, etc.).

There are lots of ways in which we can promote self-regulation. When your child was an infant, you picked him up and comforted him when he was upset. You helped him calm down. You helped him regulate his emotions by soothing him. Eventually, your infant grows and begins to take this task over, by soothing himself. He'll still need you to act as a guide, but eventually, he'll be able to self-regulate. So, how can you help? There are lots of ways, but for our purposes today, we'll focus on some fun and games.

Fun and Games
These favorite childhood games do more than just pass the time. They actually help children develop self-regulation skills.

Red Light, Green Light

Simon Says

Freeze Tag

Statues

Each of these games requires that children pay attention, follow directions and control themselves. And that, as we know, is very important.

(To help your child better handle anger, check out our introduction to the Anger Toolbox for Kids and grab your free download of our MP3 and select printables!)

Fun with Feelings: Faces Playdough Mats

2011-10-17T21:43:00.002-04:00

These Faces Playdough Mats make it fun to learn about feelings!
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Everytime you help your child learn about feelings, and how to deal with them, you are helping her learn how to become successful in life. Emotional literacy is just as important as learning how to read, do math calculations and write one's name.

It's never too young to start talking about feelings with your child, either. If your child enjoys a rather intense temperament and you are looking for ways to help him better deal with anger, be sure to check our Anger Toolbox for Kids downloadable MP3 and select handouts, as well as visit our Anger Toolbox for Kids on facebook!

Learning how to deal with feelings can help immunize your child against stress, depression and anxiety.

Here's a fun way to play with toddlers, preschoolers and early elementary students. Simply print out the faces available in "Faces Playdough Mats" and let your child go to town imagining what kinds of feelings each person has.

See how others have used the "Playdough Faces" idea:

Here is Hillary Cowley's take on the Playdough Faces.
http://www.toysnaturally.co.uk/Blog/kidlutions-blog.html

You can also find Hillary at http://www.toysnaturaly.co.uk/

If you do this project with your child and blog about it, let us know about it! It doesn't matter if you find this post a year from now and do the project! We'll link back to your blog! Simply contact me, put "PLAYDOUGH FACES" in the subject line, and send me a link to your blog. (Be sure the blog is left in long format, we cannot click on any links that have been shortened.)

Other articles and resources that help with feelings:

Feelings, Don't Erase Them...Embrace Them

3 Easy Steps to Encouraging the Shy Child

Don't forget the playdoh:

We recommend laminating the Playdough Faces:

Have fun!

You really don't feel that way....part II

2011-09-25T17:12:00.000-04:00

You Don't Really Feel That Way!

Will punishment and consequences or
support and guidance best help this child?

In our last post, we discussed why it's not such a good idea to try to talk a child (or an adult for that matter) out of his or her feelings. As promised, here's Part II of that series, where we take a peek at how this might play out with a more intense kid. If you parent a child like this, nobody has to point out to you that your child is less than calm and compliant.

Here's what that conversation with an over-the-top kid might look:

C: I HATE David! I'm never going to his house to play. You can't make me! You are not the boss of me!

(I feel compelled to interject here, what most parents would be thinking, or maybe even saying at this point...."Don't talk to me that way, young man!" "Who do you think you are, mister?" "You're not going to get away with that sassy mouth!")

Here's what a parent might acutally say in response:

P: That's not true and stop that sassing right now! You better think again and say that differently. I'm the parent and you will do as I say. If I say we are going to David's, then we are going to David's. We'll leave right after you finish a time-out for sassing.

End of story.

Or is it?

Oh, no! There's much more that is in play here. But, let's just suffice to say that the child who is chastised for his feelings, and sent to time-out for his response (misguided as the behavior may seem)...is probably not thinking, "She's right. I need to reign it in. Guess I'll behave better next time!" Nope! Sorry! He's probably thinking, "I don't care what you say! I'll get you back for punishing me...I'll find a way!" It's just part of the natural fight or flight mechanism.

Parental Authority

When kids are intense, sassy and belligerent, it sets off our internal alarm system. We start thinking to ourselves, "This is just not acceptable!" (which is true) and "He'll never be a well-adjusted adjusted adult if I let him get away with this!" "He is undermining my parental authority!" "He is walking all over me!" "What will my ...... parents, friends, neighbors, fellow shoppers, cashier, etc..... think if they hear him talking like this?

The question we really need to ask ourselves is, "Do I want him to stop mouthing-off for this moment, in this instance...so that I can feel better about myself....OR...do I want him to learn how to better handle his emotions and regulate his feelings, so that he can handle situations with BIG feelings in the future? Sometimes, our kids cannot change, until we change how we approach some of these more challenging situations.

Missed Opportunity

When we focus more on the consequence or punishement for a rude response from a child, we are leaving out one very important element, which may change the behavior quicker than any punishment ever could. A punitive stance = missed opportunity. And it's not something most of us as parents think about, nor are we trained to think about. We just know that we want well-adjusted, well-behaved kids. And we have come to believe, as a society, that punishement and consequences provide the shortest distance between the two.

Keeping Feelings in Focus

But, what if parents started focusing instead on feelings? What if they actually validated the feeling behind the response, without paying particular attention to the way in which it was said at that given moment. (There will be plenty of time for that later, when the feelings are all calmed down...and we'll we'll do a separate post on how that conversation might look in the future.)

Let's take a look at what the above conversation might look in an alternative format with an intense child.

Conversation Conversion

C: I HATE David! I'm never going to his house to play. You can't make me! You are not the boss of me!

P: You're really mad. You're using your fighting words. Your feelings are bigger than you are right now! How can I help you shrink down your anger?

C: You are not my boss!

P: You are right! I'm your mom. I'm on your side. You are the boss of your own feelings. How can I help you shrink down your anger?

C: I don't know! (SCREAMING...) I'm just MAD!

P: I see that. Let's figure out a way to help you calm down...

All's Well That Ends Well

In the final analysis, teaching our chid a new skill (in this case, learning how to better manage emotions), helps our child in the here-and-now, and also helps him in the future. It doesn't change that words were said in a sassy tone, or with an attitude. Punishment and consequences don't change those facts either. What consequences have done, historically, is made the adult feel vindicated. We may think, "He's paid his dues for acting out. When you do the crime, you have to do the time."

In our Conversation Conversion, above, we've done several things. We have validated the child's feeling and provided assistance to diffuse those BIG feelings. (Then, we can address the sassy tone at a later time.)

When we consider the fact that children's brains are far from being fully developed in the early years, it makes far more sense that we should provide them with support, education and a new way of doing things. That evens out the playing field for them a little more, and makes them much more likely to be able to be successful with similar situations in the future. Doesn't that have much more power than a few moments spent in a room, or in time-out?

What are your thoughts? Agree? Disagree? Somewhere in between? We want to know!

You don't really feel that way...Part I

2011-09-01T20:37:00.001-04:00

You Don't Really Feel That Way!

Have you ever heard an adult trying to talk a child (or another adult) out of a feeling?

The conversation may go something like this:

Child (C): I'm so mad. I don't want to go to David's to play. I don't like playing with him.

Adult (A): C'mon. You don't really mean that. There's nothing to be mad about. You do like David. Remember how much fun you had when we went to the beach last time?

That brief, one minute interaction teaches the child several things, all of which are not really helpful to the child. While the adult's comment may be said in a supportive manner, and with the best of intentions, the aforementioned approach bears revisiting and maybe, a bit of a make-over.

Conversation Conversion

That conversation conversion, might look something like this:

C: I'm so mad. I don't want to go to David's to play. I don't like playing with him.

A: Your mad feelings are so big, you don't want to play with David at all right now! What can we do about your mad feelings? How can I help?

Notice that in the conversation conversion there is no attempt to try to talk the child out of how he feels. There is also no arguing with him about the fact that he acutally does like David, with examples of good times they have had together. The whole focus is on how the child feels at the moment.

Validating a child's feelings is a powerful way to help him begin to identify and understand those feelings. When all feelings are allowed and processed, and a child is taught ways to cope with BIG feelings, he has a much bigger chance for success in all areas of his life....academics, career, friendships, relationships, etc.

That Will Never Work with a Challenging Child

I know, I know! If you have a challenging child, you are probably thinking, "Oh, sure! That's great for a kid who just says, 'I'm mad', but that would never work for my kid, who's over-the-top...who goes on and on...and adds in all kinds of other unnecessary banter.

I know the type...have worked with the type...and, yes, have even raised one or two just like that. Kids with intense temperaments offer an array of challenges to parents, but I'm telling you that you can keep your cool and help your child learn how to keep his, too! It can be done!

Stay tuned, because we'll be showing you what that conversation with a challenging child might look like in our next post!

(If your child enjoys a rather intense temperament and you are looking for ways to help him better deal with anger, be sure to check our Anger Toolbox for Kids downloadable MP3 and select handouts, as well as visit our Anger Toolbox for Kids on facebook!)

What's Your Biggest Parenting Question?

2011-08-27T23:03:00.000-04:00

Have a nagging question about parenting? Are there some pesky behavioral issues at your house that time-out hasn't solved? Feeling stressed out, overwhelmed and under-appreciated? Feeling like no matter what you do, you cannot pull your child toward success? Wondering what to do next?

Your Toughest Parenting Questions, Answered

Now, you can ask those questions...and maybe get them answered in a new ebook being created by three early childhood experts. Our book will take real-life parenting dilemmas and show parents ways to help their children make a behavior turnaround with "time-in".

While time-out is still largely recogized as the preferred way to guide and discipline kids, there are some even better ways to raise kids who make good choices, act respectful and learn to be responsible. These techniques do not require punishmet, yelling or other aversive strategies. We call it "time-in".

Time-In

Many of you know that I have been a strong advocate of time-in, not only because the research supports it, but because I've seen it work...in classrooms, in homes of clients and, yes, even in my own home. I've also had the pleasure of awarding one of our Kidlutions Preferred Product Awards for Social-Emotional Development to a book, "Listen to Me, Please. Time-In, Not Time-Out" that promotes "time-in". I've been teaching these skills and tools to early childhood teachers, as well.

Now, I'm excited to join forces with Ava Parnass, MSN, CS and Dr. Lynne Kenney to bring you a revolutionary way to raise children, manage behavioral issues, teach life-long skills and maitain your sanity, all at the same time.

What's Your Parenting Question?

If you have a parenting question you'd like to have answered, you can send it to us here. Be sure to put TIME-IN in the subject line. If we use your question, we'll show you how to solve that problem by using "time-in". You'll also get a free copy of our ebook. We will protect your privacy (your name will not be used in our book).

This offer will only be open for a few days, so get your questions in now!

Why do siblings fight?

2011-08-27T15:14:00.003-04:00

Why do siblings fight? It's an age-old question. Parents have been perplexed by it throughout the generations, and there are no signs that it's going to go away any time soon. Here our guest expert, Sue Atkins - The Parenting Expert, helps make a little sense out of it all:

Sibling Rivalry

Sibling rivalry has always had a bad press – think of Cain slaughtering Abel and Joseph being thrown down the well and sold by his brothers because they were jealous of his beautiful multi coloured coat!

Sibling rivalry can apply to any child living in the same family, from step brothers and sisters to blood related brothers and sisters – and it refers to the jealousy, competition, teasing and fighting that goes on between them – and all the experts seem to agree that it stems from your child’s deep desire and need for your exclusive love – and their need for your attention and their sense of identity, self worth and specialness within your family.

Why Siblings Fight

So let’s look at why siblings fight. Siblings fight for a number of reasons:

They fight because they want your parental attention, and you naturally only have so much time, attention and patience to give.

They fight because they are jealous: “He got a new bike. I didn’t. They must love him more than they love me.”

They fight over ordinary teasing which is a way of testing the effects of behaviour and words on another person: “He called me…” “But she called me…first.”

They fight because they are growing up in a competitive society that teaches them that to win is to be better: “I saw it first.” “I beat you to the water.”

They are vying for your attention and if they don’t feel valued or feel they are getting equal amounts of your love and approval they will fight for it and as they don’t always know positive ways to get you to notice or respond to them – and any attention is better than none.

Teens are Not Exempt

Teenagers fight for the same reasons that younger children fight.
But teenagers are bigger, louder and better equipped physically and intellectually to hurt and be hurt by words and actions.
From a parent’s point of view, they “ought” to be old enough to stop that kind of behaviour but what a lot of parents I work with tend to forget is that teenagers are under a lot of pressure from many different directions. Physical, hormonal and emotional changes and changes in thinking cause pressures, as do changing relationships with parents and friends.

Teens may be concerned about real or imagined problems between you. They feel pressure about their future as adults and about learning to be an adult. And sometimes they feel a bit scared of it all and look for ways to get your attention or get noticed.
In many ways, teens are in greater need than ever for your parental love, attention and concern and for a belief that they are as good as their siblings. They ultimately need your understanding.

Your teenager may not recognise these needs or may be too embarrassed to express them verbally, so fighting with siblings is a great or easy way to get your attention just like younger children do also.

Thoughts for Parents

Your “job” is to start to be aware of this aspect to your relationships.

Just relax and let’s just imagine life from the viewpoint of your child for a few minutes.

I want you to relax and let’s do a little exercise that you may find very interesting. Just put in your own word that fits your circumstances – “husband” or “wife” “partner” or “he” or “she” throughout this exercise.

Just imagine that your partner has come home and puts their arm around you and says “You know I love you so much and I think you’re really wonderful so I’ve decided to add another wife to our lives just like you.”

Write down your reaction:

When the new “wife” finally arrives you see that she’s younger than you and very cute. When people see you all together out shopping they say hello to you politely but really fuss and pay attention to the new wife saying things like “ohhh isn’t she pretty and soooo adorable – sooo amazing”.

Then they turn to you and say “And how do you like your new wife then – isn’t she lovely?”

Write down your reaction:

The new wife needs some new clothes so your husband goes into the cupboard and starts taking out your clothes – all your lovely jumpers and trousers and things you loved to wear and he helpfully points out that now you’re bigger you won’t be wanting them anymore so isn’t it great that you can pass them on to your lovely new wife?

Write down your reaction:

Every month your new wife is growing quickly and developing in new and different ways to you and one evening while you are struggling with your computer she pops in and says - “Ohh great – this is how you do it – it’s so easy isn’t it – what fun!”

Write down your reaction:

When you feel all indignant and tell her to stop doing things you find annoying or interrupting you, she runs off to your husband crying and complaining about you.

He immediately storms over to you with his arms around her saying “ Honestly I can’t believe you – what do you think you’re doing upsetting her like this – why can’t you just share and take turns – you’re older and supposed to be wiser than her?.”

Write down your reaction:

So what did you discover about yourself from doing that exercise?
The point of this exercise is to change your perspective on being a sibling!

Did you find that your reactions were less than charitable? Perhaps you found yourself being mean, petty, cruel or spiteful or wanting to hit her!

This is just a taster of an older sibling’s reaction to a younger one so let’s look at the reaction a year later when you tell your husband how you feel and he responds with
“That’s ridiculous – you know I love you both the same”

Or...

“Why must you be so negative about this all the time – why can’t you just get along together?

Again this could be the way you handle sibling rivalry at the moment and that’s OK because now I’m going to suggest you try something different.

Having a brother or a sister could represent less time with you in the eyes of your child- less attention, less time for talking together, sharing fun together, less time to be heard when they have a worry, less toys, less food, less help with homework, less space – someone who might be better at things than you are – who could shine in things you can’t do, who could excel in areas you can’t, who could be the apple of your parent’s eye because they can do all these amazing things that your parents value and think is great.

Just think back over your own life and the hurts, disappointments and memories that have shaped you when you think of your own brothers and sisters. Think of things that have happened to you, think of things you’ve seen, heard or felt – both positive and negative – this is just to get you to really tap into the world from your children’s point of view.

I’m not dwelling on this to paint a horrible picture but just getting you to change your perspective on your family life and getting you to see things from a different perspective – and to see things from your child’s point of view.

It’s about realising that you can make a difference in the lives of your kids by either intensifying competition or by reducing it – you can now accelerate the fighting or make co-operation a way of life in your home.

Like nightmares or sleepwalking, sibling rivalry is one of the inevitable consequences of having children – the clashes, the attention seeking, the digs and jibes, the mini or sometimes major battles that go on at home – where you sometimes feel like a Premiership referee stuck in the middle trying to be fair and trying to get things right is all part of bringing up kids but it’s all about how you perceive your role and what you choose to do about it – it’s about your attitude first and the atmosphere you want to create in your home and the types of relationships you want to develop in your children.

Your attitude and words have power.

I remember working with a mum who wanted her children to be “friends” and as a result of that she felt she was constantly riding a roller coaster at Disneyland in which she had no control. Every time they played “nicely” she felt great and a “good” mother – every time they fought she felt a failure and felt despair.

“They hate each other and it’s my fault” she kept saying to herself.

By letting go of this idea and seeing her job as a mum in a new way freed up her energy and also her confidence.

Instead of worrying about her boys becoming friends she started to see her job as equipping them with the attitudes and skills that they needed to learn for all their caring relationships in life, as well as in their sibling relationship

She started to move away from who was “right or wrong” to how she could teach them about respect – respecting their differences as well as learning ways to resolve their differences – and from there she moved on to helping them learn how to celebrate their individuality, to enjoying their similarities and respecting their unique and different talents and abilities and their very different skills.

She taught them how to build the “team” mentality, so important in a family that gets on together. They started to celebrate each other’s successes and learnt not to see them as their own failures

For example they celebrated when one of them scored a goal in their Sunday football team, or one of them won a swimming gala, or recognising that one of them was good at maths while the other one was good at English. It wasn’t a competition anymore, it was about friendship and love and respect for each other as brothers.

She taught them respect which is the key energy of any successful family.

Building the “WE” mentality of a team

The “we” rather than “me” mentality is so important in a family. It builds trust, support, loyalty, love and a true foundation for security and self esteem.

I think it’s helpful to have the attitude of being “high on harmony and low on rivalry” and I believe if you have this as your goal – things begin to fall into place.

So just for this week start to notice the ways you talk to your children and how you spend time with them individually. Also notice how to encourage and nurture the “we” spirit of a family team.

If you don’t like what you discover – don’t beat yourself up – just make a commitment to trying some new approaches over the next week and pat your self on the back when you start to notice an all round improvement.

Remember you may just create the Brady Bunch after all!

To receive Sue's free ebooks bursting with practical tips and helpful advice from toddler to teen log onto http://www.positive-parents.com/ and download them today.

Gun Safety with the RAC: Save our Children

2011-08-21T23:40:00.002-04:00

Protect children from firearms with the RAC.

Youth Firearm Deaths

Each year, there is a growing number of stories about kids being injured or killed due to a firearm that was improperly stored or locked away. It's fair to say that most of our hearts sink when we see these news stories. We shake our heads and our eyes tear up over the senseless loss of young lives. Our hearts go out to the families of the young victims. And then, the news marches on to the next story, next sound byte, next piece of breaking news.

The pain for the grieving family has just begun.

Senseless Losses

The news story may be over, but the pain for those families has only just begun. After the news stories fade away, the families are faced with funeral arrangements, burials and heartbreaking grief. As a Child and Family Therapist, I am often called upon to bear witness to the pain of these families; to companion them in their grief and to walk the long, arduous journey alongside them. I have been called to do this far more often than I should have.

And it is senseless. 100% preventable. The RAC can change everything. But, more about that later.

Let's take a look at some of the shocking statistics about guns:

* 1.69 MILLION KIDS LIVE IN HOMES WITH LOADED AND UNLOCKED GUNS

* MOST GUN ACCIDENTS OCCUR WHEN CHILDREN FIND FIREARMS AT HOME LOADED AND UNSECURED

* IN 2005 THERE WERE 16,298 KIDS KILLED/INJURED BY GUNS

* DURING THE LAST TEN YEARS 1,213 KIDS COMMITTED SUICIDE EACH YEAR WITH A FIREARM

* 28% OF GUN OWNING HOUSEHOLDS WITH CHILDREN DO NOT ALWAYS KEEP GUNS LOCKED IN A SECURE PLACE

*TWO-THIRDS OF THE STUDENTS INVOLVED IN SCHOOL SHOOTINGS GOT THEIR GUNS FROM HOME

* 36% OF TEENAGERS SAY THEY COULD OBTAIN A HANDGUN

* TWO-THIRDS OF STUDENTS IN GRADES 6-12 SAY THEY COULD GET A GUN IN 24 HOURS

* 6% OF HIGH SCHOOL STUDENTS SAID THEY HAD CARRIED A GUN IN THE LAST 30 DAYS

* 90% OF STOLEN GUNS ARE NEVER RECOVERED

* 80% OF AMERICANS THINK IT IS IMPORTANT TO REDUCE CHILDREN'S ACCESS TO GUNS

(Statistics located on the RAC website.)

Changing the statistics can be as easy as changing how we store and secure firearms. And the RAC is a patented way to do so. In fact, according to the company's website:

The RAC is the "ultimate" anti-theft gun storage and gun safety device. It is superior to other gun locks, gun safes, trigger locks, gun boxes and gun cable locks. It securely locks the gun and its patented mounting system allows you to atach the unit to a wall stud or other suitable location to prevent the firearm from being taken.

The RAC multi-unit stores several firearms.

The RAC originated in Michigan.

Protect our youth, secure your firearms properly every time. The RAC can help you do just that.

There is enough grief in the world. It would be nice to never again have to help a grieving parent who is bereaved due to the loss of their child by an unsecured firearm. Spread the word.

(*I received a sample of two RAC units to see for myself how sturdy they are, as well as how easy they are to use and install. The RAC secures more than firearms. It can be used to safely store power tools and more.)

Kabongo Gets Kids Reading!

2011-08-17T20:05:00.000-04:00

The lazy, hazy days of summer are coming to a close. The days are numbered until the first morning bell heralds the start of a new school year. While you're busy scurrying around trying to check off everything on your child's back-to-school supply list, don't forget about what is most important...academics.

Don't worry, you won't have to purhase a load of workbooks or software for your kids to benefit from this idea! I'm talking about the online gem that is Kabongo. Kabongo is web-based learning tool that plays like a game (actually nine different games, if you're counting...and I hope you are)!

This colorful, interactive site offers learning galore and the price is right. So right, it's currently offered you at no cost. That's right! You can even access their premium games with the coupon below.

Kabongo is designed for kids ages 4-7, and it promotes all of the skills necessary for the successful reader. Let's face it, reading is of utmost importance. You're doing it now. It's how we learn everything else! But before we can read fluently, there are other steps to master. Can Kabongo help? Check!

Here are all the great benefits your child will get from playing Kabongo:

Attention and Focus
Working Memory
Successive Processing
Simultaneous Processing
Visualization
Planning
Comprehenesion

Not that your child would be too interested to know that. They'll just know it's fun. You'll know it's fun... and then some! I sat down to check the site out and my 11-year-old walked by. He said, "Hey, what's that? It looks fun!" I had him play, too, just to see what he thought. He gave it the thumbs up, even though he's been reading for years!

Of course, I had to view Kabongo from the lens of social-emotional development (because that's just my thing) and I must say, there are several benefits in this area, too. Self-determination, decision-making, confidence builidng are just a few that come to mind immediately.

Yep, Kabongo...it cannot be beat when it comes to learning fun and developing crucial skills! Go! Go now! Play Kabongo!

Spin-Doctor Tip: Never let young children play any online game without your supervision. Start practicing internet safety right from the start!

Feelings: Don't erase them, embrace them!

2011-08-09T11:12:00.000-04:00

Feelings

Feelings, Nothing More Than Feelings!

One of the most fascinating things about being human is the array of feelings which we are capable of experiencing.

Excited Intrigued

Surprised

Angry Frightened

Happy

Satisfied Curious

The list goes on and on. What's even more fascinating to me is the fact that we can experience more than one feeling at a time. We can experience feelings in an subtle manner, or in a very intense way, in an unlimited number of combinations.

Getting Comfortable with Our Discomfort

Let's face it, some feelings are just more comfortable or desirable than others. There are some feelings we try to dodge or escape. As adults, we sometimes do it by pushing them down with alcohol, drugs, food, shopping, gambling, or electronic gadgets. We may somehow believe that we can erase away uncomfortable feelings, but it does nothing in the long run to equip us for the next time the feeling comes along. But, when we sit with an uncomfortable feeling, embrace it and let it pass, we will find that our feelings won't destroy us. In short, we have to get comfortable with our discomfort.

Feelings: Don't Erase Them, Embrace Them!

One thing that is undeniably true, is that the more we are able to embrace uncomfortable or undesireable feelings, the less of a hold they have on us. When we can do this, we are in a much better postion to teach our children to do the same! When in doubt, repeat the credo, "Feelings: Don't Erase Them, Embrace Them!"

Teach Your Children Well

Our children take their cues on handling emotions by watching us do it, observing our reactions and responses when we are upset, irritable, sad, frightened, uncertain, and more. What did you teach your child about handling emotions today?

Who needs tutoring? Adam Wes Academics answers that question and more!

2011-08-07T20:18:00.000-04:00

Students in many parts of the country are preparing to head back to school, while for others, school has already begun. A new academic year can bring plenty of challenges...and some struggles, too. If you've ever wondered if your child might benefit from a tutor, listen to what Adam Wes Academics, our guest poster for today, has to say about it:

Students should not learn from a calculator

In November 2006, Adam Wes Academics was born from an idea: Students should not be learning from a calculator or simply memorizing how to solve each type of problem, rather, students should be solidifying the foundations of a subject and developing a genuine understanding. It seems that our school system prides themselves on test scores and the percentage who actually graduate rather than the comprehensive knowledge of their students.

Classroom size may lead to your student's demise
It seems as though lectures in classrooms are getting bigger and bigger as the years go on. The philosophy that students learn best in one-on-one environments is not a new concept. Instruction is the crucial factor in focusing academics toward the student's unique comprehension. A student must fully grasp the foundation of the subjects they are learning to advance properly - but with group lectures and full classrooms, it is hard to ensure students are doing just that. However, while tutoring, a student is immersed in a highly effective environment where the tutor gives full attention to what the student needs to learn and grow.

Make learning fun

Parents may recognize that their child is struggling but not know why. For some reason, society sees education as purely necessary and it is not viewed often as fun or exciting. Living in America, we are extremely lucky that not only is education provided for all children but it is mandatory. Education should be enjoyed and regarded as more than a means to an end; yet for a student who is struggling, this is nearly impossible. Many students see school and educational activities as a burden, but if education is made more appealing, the student’s attitude can shift to a point where he or she can become excited by the idea of learning.

Even students that excel can benefit from tutoring

Tutoring is different for each student. If a student is excelling in math or science, he or she may think tutoring is unnecessary, where in actuality, tutoring can be hugely beneficial because it pushes the student to his or her full potential. How many parents out there hear their child say they were “bored” in school today? It could be an easy fix- challenge them! Learning with the right tutor cultivates a student’s enthusiasm toward education. As parents, its not unknown factor that every moment counts. When there is school, then homework, then football practice, followed by dinner and family time- when is there time for tutoring? When a schedule is that hectic (and let’s face it, for most kids it is) tutoring becomes even more important because it substantially cuts down the time needed to master a given concept. Adam Wes believes that his students’ time is their most valuable commodity - utilizing it efficiently is critical to the edge that a student needs to succeed in our competitive world.

School is starting back up which means it is a hectic time for parents and students alike. When stocking up for the new school year, consider adding tutoring to the shopping list. It could very well turn out to be the best thing purchased for your child’s education.

For more information please check out http://www.adamwes.com/

3 Easy Steps to Encouraging the Shy Child

2011-07-26T23:44:00.000-04:00

Do you parent a hesitant, anxious or painfully shy child? Does your child become anxious about doing new things such as asking for things she wants, inviting a friend over, or RSVPing for a birthday party? If so, here are 3 simple steps to consider in helping her to go outside of her comfort zone.

1. Provide encouragement. Provide verbal support. Let your child know you believe in her.

2. Give prompts/words to use. This is important because your child may simply not understand the social conventions necessary in getting what she wants. Give her the actual words to say in order to get her needs met.

3. Don't rescue. When we rescue a child, we are robbing her of the opportunity to spread her wings and learn new skills. Additionally, we are sending the message, "You're right, you can't do this. I'd better do it for you." (When your child is incredibly reserved and it causes anxiety for her to do new things, you may wish to say to her, "I will go up with you and stand, but you can do the talking." The goal would be to then work towards her completing the new behavior on her own.)
Lather. Rinse. Repeat.

Case in Point

Today, I got to see just such an interaction play out beautifully at a local fast food place, while I was waiting for my daughter's movie to let out.
A mom with three small children sat in the booth behind me. A little girl about 8 years old decided she wanted to get some fries. Her mother handed her the money and told her to go ahead and get some.

The child hesitated. "No, you go."

The mom persisted, "You can do this. Here is the money. Just go to the counter and say you would like a small fry."

"I don't want to," murmered the child.

The mom continued to encourage her, "There is nobody up in the line right now and I can see you perfectly from here. You can do this!"

Silence.

The mom added, "It might be easier to go now, while nobody else is up there. That way, you won't have to wait."

Up the little girl went, looking back at her mom as she made her way to the counter. She ordered her fries and returned to the table, beaming from ear to ear!

Pushing our children a little bit outside of their comfort zone, can yield a huge payoff in terms of them feeling competent, capable and self-sufficient.

How do you encourage your child to go outside of her comfort zone?

The General Store: How one family solved the problem of the "gimmies"

2011-07-26T09:45:00.000-04:00

One issue that most parents face is teaching their kids gratitude and good manners. Sometimes this can be tricky. Things get even a little more complicated when there are step-family issues added to the mix. Our guest post today is by Liz Lovejoy, of The Lovejoy Center. Here's how her family solved this problem:

The General Store

“If I break it, you’ll just buy me a new one.

I had to pick my jaw off the floor when I heard this. Once upon a time my stepdaughter had this sense of entitlement about money and toys that was extremely hard to swallow for both her father and me. She had a painful carelessness about her toys, as if they were meant to be broken and tossed without thought.
“Daddy doesn’t buy me anything when I want it, but Grandpa does.” She whined on another occasion.

Ah Grandpa. As a Stepmom, I hear about good ol’ Grandpa from the mother’s side all the time. Grandpa, like many other grandparents, likes to spoil his grandchildren. He passes out whole dollar bills to the kids and buys them anything they want without hesitation. The kid’s mother doesn’t stop him, because he is her father and she doesn’t like to say, “No” to him or the kids. Spoilage from other adults like Grandpa and Mom then becomes a burden for the other parent, who has no problem saying no. Worst of all, it breeds a greedy, ungracious child.

Parents are quick to feel that children are too young to understand money. It may be hard to teach them the literal worth of a quarter, dime, and nickel, but young school-aged children are at a perfect age to learn the fallacy of, “what’s yours is mine, what’s mine is mine.” We teach preschoolers about sharing, which should be punctuated before they enter kindergarten.

Daddy and I had a talk with his daughter about appreciation. Moreover, we explained to her that once you break something, it doesn’t come back, so handle it with care. Strangely, we were the first to insist she say “please” and “thank you” as well. If at any time she forgets to say itand makes a demand we tell her, “We’re sorry, we can’t hear you”. She knows by now that we don’t “hear” anything that doesn’t come with manners.

In order to emphasis the idea of earning, saving, and spending, we have developed the General Store. At the General Store there are several chores or educational tasks that can be completed for a specific amount of “money”. After each visit, each child also gets $5 for being good, but if they misbehave that same amount can be taken away. The kids can use their money quickly on small items like packs of gum or save it for large items such as an art supply kit. This has turned out to be a huge hit for everyone; the kids get to buy things they want, while learning real life lessons about money.

My stepdaughter comes over to our house and can’t wait to earn money. It has proven to be an invaluable tool for teaching children about the value of their belongings and how not to be greedy. When she earns something from the General Store, she treasures it, because she knows she worked for it. Best of all, she not only has an improved appreciation for her toys, but a new respect for everyone else’s.

What do you think? How does your family solve the problem of the "gimmies"? We'd love to hear about it!

The Science Behind Your Smile

2011-07-01T20:37:00.002-04:00

"I like smiling! It's my favorite!" ~Elf

I couldn't agree more. I've always liked smiling, even as a youngster...and even before I knew how good it could be for you!

It doesn't take rocket science to figure out that smiling makes you feel better. But, there is some science behind the smile. It doesn't just make you feel better, it makes you live longer, might predict your marital happiness and longevity and MORE! A whole host of benefits occur when you flash your pearly whites.

So, when I came across this one TED talk via Dr. Lynne Kenney today, I knew I had to share it with you all. It pretty much says in a nutshell all you need to know about smiling. Yup, it's a veritable owner's manual when it comes to the smile.

I hope you enjoy it as much as I did! I'd love to know what you think!

Ron Gutman: The Hidden Power of Smiling

See, wasn't that about the best 7 minutes you spent today? Now, get out there and SMILE! =)

Little Kids, Big Anger

2011-06-18T17:41:00.002-04:00

Does Your Child Have Over-the-Top Anger?

If you have a pint-sized person who has over-the-top anger, nobody has to tell you how much it can impact your child's life AND your life. It may impact the whole family. When a child's anger is bigger than she is, it can interfere with her making and keeping friends, feeling good about herself and feeling confident in her ability to interact with the world. Parents and caregivers often report feeling overwhelmed, frustrated and incompetent when it comes to trying to help the child change. Often times, it results in a cycle of anger, acting out, punishment and more anger. That vicious cycle becomes an anger merry-go-round that nobody likes to be on, but they're not sure how to get off of it.

Help Your Child Get Off of the Anger Merry-Go-Round!

The anger merry-go-round can lead to kids beginning to feel ineffectual in handling their feelings, and can begin to erode their self-esteem. This wear and tear is avoidable and there's no magic wand needed. It's as simple as:

1. Changing how you view your child's anger.
2. Managing your own reaction/not personalizing.
3. Teaching solid social-emotional skills.
4. Providing age-appropriate anger-reduction activities.
5. Providing ongoing support.

Wonder how to do some of the above or all of the above? We've got the 411 on that, and we'll share a sneak peak with you on our , "Anger Toolbox for Kids". How do we know these strategies work? Because we've spent over 20 years developing these techniques, which have met with success in homes and classrooms!

On our downloadable MP3, we cover all of the following:

1. The origins of anger in children
2. The physical and emotional reactions that occur when kids get mad
3. Why some kids experience anger much more intensely than others
4. The top ways we inadvertently encourage more "over-the-top" anger reactions in our kids
5. Ways we can HELP our kids deal with anger

To get our MP3 download and PDF handouts, click here! We've had an overwhelming response to this information, so we know that you are not alone in trying to help your kids manage over-the-top feelings!

Summer: Boredom Busting Jar

2011-06-01T17:53:00.006-04:00

We're Bored!

The kids couldn’t wait for summer vacation…but not long after the sound of the last school-bell came a chorus of …“We're bored!” What to do?

Below is a list of fun and cheap activities. We recommend you cut the ideas into strips and store them in an empty container or shoe box. At the slightest hint of “boredom”, have your child pull one idea out of the container! Start with our ideas and then make up some of your own!

Boredom Buster Jar

Make a "Boredom Busting Jar" by taking these ideas, cutting them into strips, and adding them to a clean, empty peanut butter or other such plastic jar. To make it easier, I've put it all into a PDF for you!

1. Make a “ball” out of aluminum foil and play catch with somebody. Nobody around to play with? Throw the ball into a large, empty bowl. How many times can you make it?

2. Create a “tent” in your living room with your parent’s permission. How many chairs and blankets did you have to use?

3. Pretend like you are an inventor. What would you invent? Draw a picture of your invention!

4. Go to the library! Find a book that teaches you how to do something new!

5. Create a “magic carpet” by taping squares of construction paper together. Decorate your “magic carpet”. What adventure will your carpet take you on today?

6. Build a castle with empty cereal boxes!

7. Go outside and make rubbings of the bark from different trees in your yard. Which one do you like best?

8. Make some “thinking of you cards” for residents of a nursing home and deliver them with your parents!

9. Make up your own story and draw illustrations!

10. Make feelings faces and have someone guess the feeling!

Grab a nifty copy of this in PDF...with the activities in larger print!

Make it a GREAT summer!

To get more of our ideas and activities, join our Kidlution Revolution: Promoting Social Emotional Development for Every Child! When you subscribe you'll get creative and useable solutions to all sorts of perplexing parenting dilemmas!

Help Your Kids Avoid Summer Brain Drain: 5 Tips for Summer

2011-05-28T21:31:00.006-04:00

Summer vacation is right around the corner, which means a few things: sleeping late, lazy days spent in the sun, dips in the lake, barbeques...and unfortunately, "summer brain drain". Who better to write this guest post than Joan Brennan, creator of the award-winning Reading FocusCard (Patent 7,565,759), and a masterful teacher who specializes in reading difficulties. If you haven't heard of the Reading Focus Card, be sure to check it out. It changes lives. Designed to help children, teens and adults with ADHD, dyslexia and other reading difficulties, the Reading Focus Card also benefits those who read a lot, and desire a tool that reduces eye-strain.

Without further ado, I'll let Joan take it away:

Avoiding Summer Brain Drain

It’s often called “summer brain drain” by many teachers. The term describes the loss of learning that occurs in children during the summer break from school, a very real and annual concern for teachers as well as parents. What can parents do to help their children avoid this?

Over the past couple of weeks, I have been talking about this topic with my young students in grades 2 through 5 as the end of the school year has been fast approaching. Some suggestions and resources were also provided for the children and their families.

One bright-eyed, third grader described how he keeps his skills sharp over the summer. Tyler told the class that at the beginning of every summer, his mother purchases a skill-building workbook for his next grade level. She also buys one for each of his brothers, and they work together in their respective books several times each week. It is no surprise that all three children are successful in school. This is just one way of keeping “summer brain drain” at bay.

Other strategies can also promote skill building and retention over the summer. Many of them are available at low or no cost. Just a little effort and forethought might be needed. Here are just a few:

1. Encourage your child to read often. Surround your child with books wherever and whenever possible.
Regular visits to your local public library go a long way in establishing good habits of life-long reading and
learning. These visits can also be great opportunities to spend quality, family time together---and the price is
certainly right!

2. Set aside time each day to read to your child. This will show him that reading is very important to you and
your family. It will also increase a child’s desire to read independently. Consider a “family reading time” for
obvious, additional benefits.

3. Promote reading in the many things you already do with your children. Ask them to read street signs, menus, game directions, cereal boxes, and other items. This will demonstrate that our world provides much
information and opportunities through the reading of words and text. It will also promote independence.

4. Consider providing a journal for your child, a place where she can write about the books she is reading during the summer. You might recommend that she write an alternative ending to a favorite book. Looking back through the journal at the end of the summer will remind her of all the reading she has accomplished in only a few weeks. She will also have improved her critical thinking and writing skills.

5. Do you have a reluctant or struggling reader? You might suggest books (at first) with a few more illustrations and a little less text per page. Another idea to consider: audio books (also available at your local library). If you discover that your child learns best by listening (an auditory learner), this approach will be a very good idea. Share this discovery with your child’s teacher when the fall semester begins. It will be helpful
information for that teacher and invaluable for your child’s future classroom success.

So, you can do much to help your children “stay sharp” over the summer months. Just think ahead, plan, and be prepared to have a wonderful summer of reading together! Next fall, your children will thank you (and so will their teachers)!

Aren't those great ideas? See? I'm telling you, Joan really knows her stuff! Visit her website and her Help for Struggling Readers Blog for more great ideas!

In the spirit of helping your kids avoid brain drain, Joan is offering up a beautiful, hardcover journal for your child (as suggested in #4, above) to use for writing about what she has read or what she is dreaming about. Here's a photo of the lovely journal (so nice that mom might want it...but, remember...it's for the kids)!

Giveaway

Scrolling Iris Journal by Pepper Pot

To enter, simply leave a comment below and tell us which tip you will use to help your child this summer. ~~We'll draw one winner from random.org on Friday, June 3, 2011. Good Luck!~~ We have extended this giveaway due to the fact that some folks have had trouble leaving a comment because of browser compatability issues Therefore, if you cannot leave a comment below, please go to our facebook page and leave a comment there, making sure you use the term Brain Drain in your comment. We will pick a winner on Wednesday, June 8th at 7pm EST! THE GIVEAWAY IS NOW CLOSED, SEE OUR WINNER AT THE END OF THIS POST!

For more great ideas, be sure to "like" the Reading Focus Card on facebook. You'll find more fabulous tips, activities and support to get the best out of your child when it comes to reading!

P.S. I couldn't help but notice how the design on the journal matches our blog design. See, Joan thinks of everything! She's cool like that!

OUR WINNER!

At 7:35 pm, on June 8, 2011, we picked number at random.org. That number is "6", which makes Dr. Ann Becker-Schutte or winner! Congratulations, Dr. Ann, and thanks to all of the participants here and on our facebook page!

Hope: Helping Kids in the Aftermath of a Tornado

2011-05-23T11:11:00.000-04:00

A message of hope. (Asscociated Press)

As I watch images of the devastating tornado that ravaged Joplin, MO, my mind wanders to the youngest victims of the natural disaster. Helping kids and adolescents deal with trauma means keeping certain things in mind.

The National Child Traumatic Stress Center (NCTSC) recognizes the following common emotional reactions of children and family members exposed to a tornado include:

•Feelings of insecurity, unfairness, anxiety, fear, anger, sadness, despair, and worries about the future
•Fear that another tornado will occur
•Believing myths or folklore as to the cause of the tornado
•Disruptive behaviors, irritability, temper tantrums, agitation, or hyperactivity
•Clinging/dependent behaviors or avoidant and phobic symptoms
•Physical symptoms, such as stomachaches, headaches, loss of appetite, nightmares, or sleep problems
•Increased concerns regarding the safety of family members, friends, and loved ones
•School-based problems, with decreased motivation and school performance

Adolescents may differ from younger children in how they respond to a tornado or other natural disaster. Some believe they will not live long and may exhibit:

•Socially withdrawn, angry, or irritable
•Risky behavior
•Conflict with authority

The National Association of School Psychologists points out that the following can be reactions you may see in children/adolescents:

•Preschoolers—thumb sucking, bedwetting, clinging to parents, sleep disturbances, loss of appetite, fear of the dark, regression in behavior, and withdrawal from friends and routines.
•Elementary School Children—irritability, aggressiveness, clinginess, nightmares, school avoidance, poor concentration, and withdrawal from activities and friends.
•Adolescents—sleeping and eating disturbances, agitation, increase in conflicts, physical complaints, delinquent behavior, and poor concentration.

Helping Kids Deal in the Aftermath

The NCTSC recommends following the acronym SAFETY to assist children in coping and moving forward after a natural disaster

"S" Focus on safety first. That includes keeping your child close to you, telling her you will take care of things that are scary, shielding your child from frightening images and conversations, and keeping with familiar things and routines. (Remind your child that even though scary things have happened, there have been a lot of helper-people who have come together to assist. Firefighters, police officers and Emergency Medical Technicians. Although times are difficult, there are good people to help.)

"A" Allow expression of feelings. Acting out can be a way of asking for help. Help your child name how she is feeling, and tell her it's okay to feel that.

"F" Follow your child's lead. Listen to your child and watch his behavior to determine what he needs most.

"E" Enable your child to tell the story of what happened during and after the tornado. Children use play to tell their story. Encourage that. (You may see your child re-enacting the events of the disaster. I would advise that you allow your child to do this, without trying to guide them towards more "upbeat" play themes. This is how your child works through his feelings. I would also encourage drawing and play-doh use.)

"T" Ties. Reconnect with supportive people, community, culture and rituals. Simple things like a bedtime story they know well can remind your child of your way of life and offer hope.

"Y" Your child needs you. Sometimes just being with your child can help, even if you can't fix things. If you need to leave your child, explain when you will be back.

You can find an excellent handout from the NCTSC which further outlines how to promote each of the above.

Trauma is unlike any other experience. Children and teens have far less life experiences than adults to deal with the emotional heaviness of it all. If you have concerns about how your child is coping, check with your pediatrician or local mental health authority for a referral to a qualified and licensed mental health provider.

Activities from Braininsights' Deborah McNelis

2011-05-22T14:34:00.000-04:00

MAY IS MENTAL HEALTH MONTH

CHILDREN’S MENTAL HEALTH WEEK WAS May 1-7, and this article was posted in celebration of that. Deborah McNelis, founder of Braininsights, granted me permission to reprint this fabulous article in its entirety. Even though, children's MENTAL HEALTH WEEK has passed, at Kidlutions, we know that a child's mental health is something that needs to be supported and nurtured 365 days a year. I adore Deborah's Brain Activity Packets, and wrote about them here.

Focus for 2011: BRAININSIGHTS: REAL Brain Development with Fun and Loving Activities

Here is the post, as it appeared on Braininsights:
The following list of activities are from braininsights activity packets. They were carefully chosen and put together as this valuable calendar by Nancy DeWitt, BS, FSP, Preparing Mentor.

Nancy is a wonderful woman I met while working with the community of Rhinelander, WI. This community is working together to create awareness and put in place services to support the optimal development of children's brains. I have been fortunate to have the opportunity to contribute to these important efforts.

This calendar is something Nancy is hoping you will share with families in the hopes that parents will use these easy and practical ideas to promote mental health for all children.

BRAININSIGHTS: REAL BRAIN DEVELOPMENT
WITH FUN AND LOVING ACTIVITIES

LOVE YOUR BABY: (May 1-12)

1. While changing my clothes or diapers, take a minute and warmly and gently rub my back, arms and legs. Let me feel your warmth.

3. Notice what I like and respond to me. Try to tune in to the level of activity I seem to need. When I am more active, do a playful activity. When I seem calm, read a story or sing a lullaby to me.

6. Make up a song using my name to sing to me while you feed me.

8. While you are cooking or doing dishes, let me explore safe items you use. For example, a rubber spatula, a wooden spoon, a plastic container, measuring spoons, etc

9. Realize how I love when you show excitement for my achievements.

FUN WHILE I’M ONE: (May 13-15)

13. While we are interacting throughout the day, give me kisses and loving hugs.

14. When I am lonely, scared or bored. I will let you know by crying. I need you to comfort me. I don’t know how to handle it on my own.

16. Create a winding down, calming bedtime routine for me. Things like taking a warm bath, reading a story to me and cuddling with me will help soothe me.

MORE TO DO WHILE I'M TWO: (MAY 17 -20)

17. At a grocery store point to items: or while in a waiting room point to pictures in magazines. Ask me to name them.

18. Turn on the radio, sing a song or play a CD. Tell me to move to the music stops. Have me stop until the music starts again.

19. While dressing me, ask me what piece of clothing to put on next. Example, “Should I put on your jacket or shoes next?”

PLAY WITH ME WHILE I’M THREE: (May 21-24)

21. While grocery shopping, have me help you find the items you need. Example: Ask me to pick out the biggest or smallest item on the shelf.

23. Starting with breakfast everyday, develop daily routines for meals, naps, bath and bedtime. It is very important to have order in my life. I learn what to expect through a regular pattern which helps make me calmer.

24. While you are cooking, ask me to close my eyes and guess what you are doing by the sounds I hear. (Breaking eggs, pouring milk, running water, opening the microwave, and so on.

LETS LEARN MORE WHILE I’M FOUR: (May 25-28)

25. Find or save things for me to pretend with. Save food containers to play grocery store; line up chairs for a train or bus; set up combs or brushes, etc for a barber or beauty shop;, books and index cards to play library etc.

26. Make a game of putting laundry away. Give directions to follow. For example: Say, “Put the towels on the middle shelf in

the closet and hop back.” Use words like: under, below, on top and so on to help me learn where things belong.

27. Take me on a “listening walk”. While we are out walking have me listen and talk about all the sounds I hear. Ask, “Do you hear a bird, the wind, a car horn…..?

HELP ME THRIVE WHEN I’M FIVE: (May 29-31)

29. While folding the laundry tell me to try not to laugh as you do silly things. See if you can get me to laugh. Just start laughing. See how long it takes me to join in. It is contagious.

30. While playing catch with me outdoors, change the way we pass the ball. Count to 10 while we pass it. Now have me think of a new way to pass it 10 times. Take turns thinking of new ways to pass the ball.

31. Create a “giving jug”. Provide an empty milk container and a supply of pennies. Every time I do something nice or thoughtful for someone else, I get to add a penny. When the jug is full, help me use the money to donate to a cause we decide we want to support or help.

HAVE FUN!

~ All braininsights activity packets are also available in Spanish!

(Connect with Deborah and Braininsights here.)

Until the Sun Comes Out Again: Weathering Emotional Storms with Your Child

2011-05-21T12:49:00.002-04:00

It Doesn't Last Forever

A mere few weeks ago I was huddled up and gazing outside at the swirling wind, swaying branches and falling snow (yes, really!) That day reminded me that the weather in the Michigan's Upper Peninsula can be a lot like a child's behavior. Sometimes unpredictable, sometimes unexpected, but it never lasts forever! That is the beauty of it. There's a saying amongst we Yoopers that goes, "If you don't like the weather, wait a few hours!" It will change.

When we are dealing with challenging behavior, we need to keep that in mind, too.

It doesn't last forever!

It may provide us with some moments of frustration, inconvenience, and perhaps a few headaches. But our child's misbehavior isn't really about us. Any more than the weather is.

Caution: SLOW DOWN!

On that particular day, I had to leave the warmth of my home to pick my daughter up from a get-together with friends. It was a long drive...in bad weather...and the roads were slippery. I had to adjust for that. I went slower, I took my time. Because getting home safely was the goal.

When our kids are really challenging, we need to prepare for that, as well. We need to make adjustments. We need to slow down, to take our time. Just like we do for the weather.

Blue Skies

Wishing you blue skies and sunshine as you parent...but most of all, I wish you the ability to see through the emotional storms...and to provide your child with a safe harbor...until the sun comes out again. And it always does.

Spin-Doctor Tip: Some emotional storms come about because a child does not have the skills to deal with intense emotions like upset and anger. There is MUCH a parent or caregiver can do help support such children and teach them better coping skills. We'll tell you all about it in our ANGER TOOLBOX FOR KIDS. Hope to see you there!

Click on the toolbox to access our Anger Toolbox for Kids!

If you parent an intense child, you might also enjoy reading:

Helping Kids Handle BIG Emotions

Challenging Child? One Simple Secret

Help! My Child is Being Aggressive

Intense Kids and Sportsmanship

The Making of a Mother

Building a Better World

2011-05-15T00:16:00.003-04:00

These prints make my heart smile! How about you? I came across them here, after meeting a new friend, Jennifer Hallissy (@justwritejen), on twitter. I checked out her awesome blog and found a link to this artist (LOVE)!

I imagine these prints framed and hanging in my office...a point of inspiration for the youth I work with in the schools. Some don't yet believe these things about themselves...but I see these things in each and every student who walks through my door! Can you imagine the kind of world we could build if every child, every tween, every teen (and, yes, every adult)...really believed all of the above about themselves? Just thinking about it makes me all kinds of giddy.

Peeps and Tweeps who Change the World

I believe it is possible to build a better world...and I've met so many fab people worldwide who work tirelessly to this end. That makes my heart smile, too! Here is just a handful of my friends who do amazing things to change the world:

MommyPerks : Shara Lawrence-Weiss...I don't think she ever sleeps, but she insists she does! She runs about 100 websites (from biz to PR, to early childhood) and has three young children of her own...all of whom provide tremendous entertainment!

Signing Families : Louise Masin Sattler...smart, generous, real. FUN! Communication for special needs and ALL children. She's the mom of a real (working) actor and another one that goes to my Alma Mater (small world).

Dr. Lynne Kenney : Dr. Kenney is one down-to-earth Doc, with tons of great ideas that change brains and change lives. Never pretentious and always right on target. She's in the trenches along with the rest of us!

braininsights : Deborah McNelis will help you get your child off on the right start from birth...tons of useable and accessible ways to grow your baby's brain. Don't parent a baby or young child without her!

Sue Atkins : My friend "across the pond". Upbeat, parenting-guru that's all about creating stronger, more healthy families. Never preachy...she's been there before! She's still there now, with two teens under her roof!

Stress Free Kids : Lori Lite has all the right resources to help kids, tweens, teens and even adults deal with STRESS!

Annie Fox : Annie Fox, she rocks! She's created an uber-cool book series for tween/teens called Middle School Confidential. She helps this age group deal with some of the biggest challenges in wonderful way!

More Game Changers

See award-winning products that are exemplary in the realm of social-emotional development...and help grow GREAT kids! (Social-emotional skills are key to making ours a better world.)

And be sure to check out the winners of our newly launched award, the Kidlutions Seal of Approval, for products that change lives!

If you aren't tired of clicking links, be sure to check out our own Kidlution Revolution: Social Emotional Skill-Building for EVERY child! If you haven't hopped on the bandwagon, you can do so here. Members get over a dozen printables to help kids (ages 3-8) develop self-esteem, build friendship skills, manage anger, and MORE!

What do you do to make it a more wonderful world? Do you think these prints are as cool as I do?

Comments and ideas welcome here!

Smart Phones and Your Family's Safety

2011-05-02T00:46:00.001-04:00

I've been on the road today, but just returned home and found a tweet from Shara Lawrence-Weiss of Mommy Perks that I wanted to pass on to all of you. This is particularly of importance if you or ons of your family members has a Smart Phone and you use it to post pictures online.

Since it is late, I'll let the video do the talking:

Ensuring that our kids stay safe online and with electronic media is a parental responsibility. Sharing this information with our kids that utilize media is the same as helping them learn general safeguards like, "Don't post your home address and phone number online."

Please pass this one on!

Have You Ever Left the Grocery Store without Paying?

2011-04-28T21:59:00.004-04:00

Have you ever left the grocery store without paying? I have recently started doing just that (in fact I just left without paying $137.00...my biggest amount ever), but don't worry...it's perfectly legal. My sister got me started. Actually, my grandmother used to do it, too. Long before it was in vogue. She was a woman before her time!

Yes, I'm talking about couponing!

Couponing just makes good cents! (Couldn't resist!)

While I've yet to reach the stealth-like coupon savvy finesse of The Krazy Coupon Lady, both she and my sister have taught me a thing or two about how this all works in the course of the past month! And I have been amazed at the results! AMAZED!

I share it with you here on the Spin-Doctor, because we are all about making life for parents and kids more enjoyable, less stressful and lots more FUN. Seeing that financial concerns are one of biggest stress producers in people's lives, it goes to follow that reducing your spending will help reduce your stress in this area.

I admit it, when I first tried this "couponing" thing, it wasn't my cup of tea. The shopping took forever! Finding the right coupons as I navigated the grocery aisles was painstaking. After my first attempt, I called my sister and told her it was for the birds. My couponing days were numbered. "No, no! You're doing it all wrong," she assured me. "You need a binder and some baseball card sleeves to organize it all...and it will be all good."

I grabbed my fave binder and a beautiful relationship was born!

The back of my "Studio C" binder by Carolina Pad. Perfection!

I did as my sister suggested, and it was very good.
Very good, indeed.The baseball sleeves were perfect!
What a difference some organization makes!

The Real Deal

One of the biggest reasons people often cite for not using coupons is, "I don't have the time!" The recent T.V. show featuring the coupon-craze tells about some couponers devoting up to 60 hours a week to couponing. I'm not going to lie. It does take a little bit of time to cut and organize the coupons (but kids are great at helping with this) and to plan out your shopping list (checking local flyers and matching up the sales and in-store coupons with the manufacturer coupons), but I don't spend more than 2 hours a week doing this. I do run a business and contract with several agencies, manage Kidlutions, maintain a few blogs, and have 3 kids that are involved in every sport under the sun. I wouldn't have six, let alone 60, hours a week to spend on couponing. Really, it can take as little or as much time as you would like. For some, it is a full time job. For me, it's a means to an end. Less money on groceries means more money for new baseball cleats, track shoes, hockey skates, helmets...you know the drill! ,

Help for Newbies

Just getting started with couponing and have no idea how to cash in on the big savings? You can find help here:

The Krazy Coupon Lady - These gals will show you everything you need to know about getting the best deals. You'll learn basic and advanced couponing...and will see your savings add up in no time!

Wild for Wags - The woman who runs this site has taken all of the guesswork out of shopping at Walgreen's. She'll show the best deals and how to combine coupons, rebates and register rewards...no guesswork on your part!

One Closing Thought

Coupon shopping is very different from traditional grocery shopping. You'll be shopping at your grocery store, but also scoring bargain-basement deals from your local drug and super-stores, as well. It doesn't take long to catch on, and when you do, you'll see your savings grow exponentially!

What would you do with with an extra $30.00 or $137.00 per shopping trip? Do you coupon, too? If you do, we'd love to hear your favorite tips!

An Egg-cellent Way to Help Kids Deal with Feelings

2011-04-22T22:09:00.000-04:00

An egg-hunt that offers fun with feelings!

The time has come for Easter-egg hunts, and many parents and caregivers are looking for ways to fill those colorful plastic eggs with something other than candy. I'd like to toss out an idea that will not only be fun for kids, but will also help build their social-emotional muscles...that's right, this kind of egg-hunt may be unlike any kind you've ever heard of. So clear the table of the chocolates and jelly-beans and grab yourself some colorful paper and prepare to fill your eggs in a whole new kind of way.

Creating your Feeling Eggs:

1. Cut out small strips of colorful paper.

2. On each strip, write a different feeling:
Sad, Mad, Happy, Scared, Surprised, etc.

Put a feeling inside of each egg.

3. Put one inside of each egg and close.

4. Hide the eggs. (Indoors or outdoors, doesn't matter. I've used this at home with my own kids and in the office during therapy sessions, as well. Kids have LOVED this!)

5. When the kids have gathered up all of the eggs, let them "crack" them open and let the "fun with feelings" begin.

Let the kids crack open the eggs and let the fun with feelings begin!

6. With younger kids, you will obviously have to read out the feeling. Then ask either, "Tell about a time you felt that way", or if a child is reticent to answer that, ask, "What might make a kid your age feel that way?"

7. To expand the feelings exploration, you can ask the players to tell about how they might "cope" or "deal" with some of the more uncomfortable feelings such as anger, sadness, etc.

Ask kids for ways to cope with some of the more uncomfortable feelings.

8. Be sure to emphasize that ALL feelings are okay, it's what we do with them that counts.

Hoppy Easter from the Spin-Doctor!

Spin-Doctor Tip: Although this "egg hunt" ties in nicely with Easter, I have found that kids have begged to play it again and again, even long after Easter has passed. Enjoy it all year...and feel free to weigh in below if you have ideas on other ways to extend the play on feelings!

No Naughty Chair Here...helping kids with challenging behavior

2011-04-05T11:13:00.003-04:00

Tomorrow, I get the pleasure of helping educators and parents learn some ways to intervene with troublesome behaviors, without being punitive. Basically, we'll be talking about giving a time-out to time-out!

A recent award-winning book has a story that very eloquently demonstrates this very notion. Here, Vivian Kirkfield, from her newly awarded book, Show Me How: Build Your Child's Self-Esteem Through Reading, Crafting and Cooking, shares how this idea operates in real life. (Bear in mind that this interaction took place years ago, before mounds of research even supported its importance!)

Show Me How, by Vivian Kirkfield

"I stood in the doorway of the bathroom, staring at the letter "P" penciled on the toilet seat. Four-year old Peter was having a hard time finding his place in the family between his bright seven-year old brother and his adorable new baby sister and was involved in one mischevious situation after another. I picked up Where the Wild Things Are by Maurice Sendak and went to find Peter who was building a fort in the playroom. He came to me immediately when I sat down in the story chair.

'Are we going to read a story?' Peter asked. I set him in my lap and we read about the night Max did a lot of naughty things and was sent to bed without any dinner.

'Will I have to go to bed without any dinner?' Peter queried?

Tears rolled down his face as he added, 'I was writing my name on paper. I went to the bathroom and I was feeling mad that Jason is big and Caroline is little and I am not big enough or little enough.'

Hugging my son, I replied, 'Everyone feels sad or mad sometimes. If you talk about how you feel, we can try to help you feel better.'

Peter looked up at me with a smile as I said, 'We love you just the way you are. You are just the right size to make your own book to read at family story-time. But first we have to clean the toilet seat." Peter slid off my lap, relieved that I had acknowledged his feelings in a positive way. Skipping ahead, Peter replied joyfully, 'I can help, mommy!'"

Wow! What a beautiful illustration of how social-emotional support operates in real-time, with real kids, in real situations. You can read more about the Show Me How book here. How might this situation have turned out if Peter was not provided with the loving guidance he was so fortunate to receive? I can imagine a number of different endings to this story. Can you? Has this story inspired you to parent or teach differently?

For more discussion on this very topic, you can register for the F*REE webinar that will run tomorrow, April 6th from 2pm-3:30pm EST here. Our F*REE "Time-out for time-out" webinar, sponsored by the Robert-Leslie Publishing Company and hosted by Early Childhood Investigations will focus on a more compassionate approach, that teaches, supports and guides children towards being successful. Can't make that time-frame? No worries! You can sign-up anyways, and you'll get the link to the webinar, to watch at your leisure!

As always, we wish you happy parenting!

Everyday Heroes

2011-03-29T15:44:00.002-04:00

Even YOU can be an Everyday Hero!!!

Good for Goodness' Sake

In a world where social-emotional development rules supreme, we would all do the right thing because we would possess those sometimes elusive qualities called perspective-taking and empathy. We would do the right thing even when nobody else was looking; even when there was no payoff for us personally.

Sometimes, events in the news get us to thinking that we should just give up on believing that folks would choose to do the right thing, but I would hope that y'all hold out hope in the belief of our fellow humankind like I do. When someone goes out of his way to do the right thing, he provides a shining example of how we can all step up to the plate and shine (maybe not in a public way, but very much in a way that enlarges our own hearts with kindness).

Business as Usual or Extraordinary?

Some people routinely go out of their way to do the right thing, and they think nothing of it. It's business as usual for them. Yet, I call these people "Everyday Heroes"...the extraordinary ones...and such is the tale you are about to hear:

Yesterday, I received an email from a gentleman at Pepperdine University in California. The email was from a man named David, and he was seeking some assistance (read: going out of his way to help someone else, who needed assistance, but didn't even know it, yet). David works in the Mail Services Department at Pepperdine University and he received a piece of mail that was undeliverable. On that manilla envelope was a Kidlutions Preferred Product Award seal. I had no connection to that piece of mail other than the Kidlutions seal that the letter bore.

What happened next is what makes David an "Everyday Hero". David actually took the time to look up the Kidlutions website, find my contact information, send me an email, and hold on to that piece of mail until he heard back as to how to proceed. Wow. Talk about customer service!

All's Well That Ends Well

With David's information, I was able to trace that piece of mail back to Shara Weiss at Mommy Perks. It turns out that Shara was sending out a mailing for Louise Sattler at Signing Families (both of these women being "Everyday Heroes" in their own right)...and there was a glitch in the system...until David interevened. I was able to get in touch with Shara, provide her with David's contact information...and POOF...problem solved! (You can read Shara's version of the story here, along with another example of excellent customer service from Lowe's.)

So, thank-you, David, for being an "Everyday Hero"...for being a stand-up man and doing the right thing. Your act of kindness did not go unnoticed!

Does Time-out Really Work?

2011-03-24T13:42:00.005-04:00

I’m pleased to be presenting a F*REE webinar for Early Childhood Investigations, which is sponsored by the Robert-Leslie Publishing Company. This company has convened a number of experts to speak to some of the most pressing issues in the early childhood field, and I am honored to be among them. My presentation, “Time-Out for Exclusionary Tactics in Early Childhood Education Settings” will air on April 6, 2010 from 2pm- 3:30 pm EST. You can register here.

I’ve Had It!

“That’s it! You’re in time-out!” Objectionable behaviors, failure to comply with adult requests/directives, irascible attitudes, outright defiance. All of these things can ruffle the feathers of even the most composed adults. Enter the time-out.

Cool Your Jets!

When time-out was originally developed, it was designed in the spirit of helping children regain their composure, cool-off and think about how to better handle the situation in the future. It is surely a big improvement on corporal punishment to help kids improve their behavior. On the face of it, a GREAT idea. It’s been used in homes across the land, including my own. However, we might be able to do this even better!

Is There a Better Way?

But, do time-outs always accomplish what we think they accomplish? Are there other interventions that might help pull kids towards success in a quicker manner? Could there be some recent findings that support a different approach when it comes to early childhood?

There’s lots to be said on this topic, and lots to debate, to be sure. Yet, there are some interesting thoughts on how we can evolve as caretakers of young children and how we can be co-creators in "behavior by design"! It's nothing short of exciting!

Consider the Alternatives

Come find out some new and different ways of thinking about this topic, and explore how you might apply them with the young children with whom you interact. This webinar is designed with administrators in the early childhood field, but I promise that teachers, daycare providers and parents will be able to get just as much from it!

The webinar will take place from 2-3:30 pm EST. You can register here. Even if you can't make that date and time, you can still access the webinar after it airs. Hope to see you there!

Learn More About Early Childhood Investigations

This snippet is taken from the ECI site: Early Childhood Investigations is a free ongoing professional development series that is delivered online and produced by Engagement Strategies, LLC. These engaging webinars are presented by many of the thought-leaders and experts in the field of early care and education. The presentations explore critical topics that offer new ideas and insights to ECE professionals, especially administrators.

It's Not How Much Money You Make, It's How Much of a Difference You Make!

2011-03-16T14:34:00.000-04:00

Human beings exhibit a fascinating range of behaviors, which never cease to intrigue me. One thing you may have noticed is that inhabitants in the human kingdom are impressed by the almighty buck. Perhaps you are one of them. Whether you struggle to make enough of it, or wish to amass large quantities of it, there is no denying that money (or lack thereof) affects us all. Nobody could deny that the more access to monetary resources one has, the more access to power they seem to have. Money makes the world go around.

And yet, money, in it's infinite ability to buy things, gain access to resources and people and places...has absolutely no power when it comes to our happiness. None. That is an inside job.

Having worked with people who have amassed many riches, as well as with those whom live in abject poverty...I can in good faith say that money cannot buy happiness. I have met those with much, whose hearts are empty of joy and meaning...and those who have little who seem to have discovered the secret to happiness, despite every kind of factor that might prevent it.

Still, it has never failed to amaze me the number of people who ask (either out loud, or silenty to themselves)...hmmmm...."I wonder how much money that person makes?" We, as a people, are intrigued, if not sometimes envious of the homes that other people live in, the cars they drive, the clothing they don, and the like.

So, the next time you find yourself caught up in wondering, "How much money does that person or family make?", you might do yourself a favor by switching that question up and asking, "How much of a difference does that person/family make?" Perhaps that's a better starting place for all of us.

Not many of us will have unlimited access to financial resources in our lifetimes, but all of us have access to being able to help others in an unlimited capacity. What if we measured success by how much of a difference a person makes, rather than how much money they make?

What do you think?

Have a Heart: Sponsored by Post-it Note

2011-03-10T20:21:00.001-05:00

How does your child's school promote acts of kindness and good character?

Here's how one school has done it, with a little help from Post-it Note:

It isn’t often that a big-time company partners up with a small-town school to make things happen, but that was exactly the case when Post-it Note, a 3M company, joined forces with the Tahquamenon Area Schools in Newberry, Michigan. Post-it Note donated 30 sets of heart-shaped pop-up dispensers for a school-wide challenge to complete acts of kindness. The Counseling and Medical Place (CAMP), a school-based health center located inside of the school, organized and arranged the program.

Over the course of one week, students were recognized by staff and other students, if they completed an act of kindness....read more here

Help, my child is being aggressive!

2011-02-18T14:57:00.003-05:00

Is your child aggressive?

Aggressive behavior in the toddler through preschool years can be completely normal. The important thing to bear in mind is that when a child is exhibiting aggressive behaviors, it provides a golden opportunity to teach, support and guide them into more socially acceptable responses.

What children become aggressive?

All children can become aggressive in certain given situations. Some children become aggressive when there are stressors in their lives. And some children come to rely on aggressive behaviors. But, this does not have to be the case.

To punish or to teach?

When kids have trouble zipping zippers...we teach.

When kids have trouble tying shoes...we teach.

When kids have trouble buttoning buttons...we teach.

When kids have trouble getting along with others...we teach?

Punish?

It's a normal part of the learning curve:

Kids don't come into this world knowing how to do much of ANYTHING. We often think it normal to teach kids how to tie shoes and zip zippers, but when kids act aggressively, it’s as if it sets off a whole other chain of reactions within us. Rather than reacting to these behaviors, we need to respond in a way that helps them learn a better way to do it next time. We need to teach them social skills, as well as academic skills.

Save the labels for jelly jars:

I would hesitate to slap a label of "aggressive" on any child in the toddler through preschool years. As a matter of fact, I would hesitate to slap a label on any child of any age. Nor would I recommend labeling adults. You get the idea.

Many developmental leaps are taking place in a child's life during these early childhood years and kids just don't have the verbal skills to negotiate or problem solve. That’s where loving, caring adults come in. We CAN teach kids these skills and help them become more empathic and kind.

All things considered:

When I am consulting to early childhood programs for problems with aggressive behavior, the first thing I ask is if there is speech delay in the child who is identified as having some aggressive behaviors. Speech delays can also contribute to aggressive behavior.

If there is a speech delay, and even if there isn't, I would strongly recommend looking into "signing" with a young child, to assist him/her in becoming successful in the behavioral realm. Signing can make all of the difference in the world of a young child. Signing Families has some fabulous resources to help with teaching a young child (and parents and teachers) how to use signing to prevent such behavioral problems.

Finally, for those kids who tend to rely on aggressive and challenging behaviors, it may be that they enjoy a rather intense temperament. If this is the case, we can begin to teach them some better ways to handle their intensities.

Invest in all children:

Quite often, it isn't the kids that are failing to "behave better", rather, it is the adults who have failed to find a way to more effectively teach the child to be more successful. When we invest a little time and support in a child with challenging or aggressive behaviors, and we continue to encourage that child into more positive responses, we can help ALL children become successful. Every child is worth it…and each one deserves this from the big people in his life.

Still struggling and not sure what to do?

This book is a not to be missed book about how your own issues impact your responses and reactions to your child's behavior. Good stuff:

And yet another recommended book:

And one more:

And peace shall echo throughout the land!

Happy Valentine's Day from Kidlutions

2011-02-14T15:05:00.000-05:00

Happy Valentine's Day!

Wendy Young, LMSW, BCD

Founder: Kidlutions and "Spin-Doctor Parenting"

When we view our children through the "eyes" of our hearts, it allows us to get through some of the more difficult and challenging moments of parenting. We've all been there and done that, and those of us on the other side of it all can look back and say, "It was worth it!"